Whirlwind Week

I laughed, I cried, I screamed, and I giggled.

This is what my whirlwind week consisted off. It had a lot of up and downs. I am sitting here on a Sunday evening trying to close me week the best I can. I am trying not to think of all the things the week ahead consists off. I am trying not to think of the tornado that looks as though it hit the inside of the house. I am trying to rest in peace knowing that my family is taken care of. I am trying not to anticipate the results of the MRI or what the doctor will say about Kinsley's developmental delays tomorrow. I am trying to rest in peace knowing that my Lord and Savior has me covered.

This week has been so busy. MRI, therapy, garage sale. My husband being gone till late every night. Kids, groceries, cleaning, laundry. I have been down right exhausted. I even took the week off from sewing because I knew there was just no time. I knew I needed to get to bed early this past week and just rest. It was a a good choice. I also spent some time just enjoying the kids. Laughing with them, playing with them, and living life with them. Last night we had a chain going. PJ was combing my hair, I was combing Monkey Girl's and she was combing the baby dolls hair. It was so much fun.

We are also in birthday count down mode over here. Our oldest turns 6 at the end of May *on her mommy's birthday also* Who doesn't like a count down chain? I know she loves anything she can count down so I made her one. Partly because then she could count them down and I didn't have to constantly tell her how many days till her birthday. This count down wasn't just any ordinary count down though. I made this one special. On each day of the count down I wrote something I love about OG. Something that makes her special. That she is beautiful, her dancing is amazing, her smile contagious and so many more. She took the first one off tonight before bed. The look on her face when she saw that I had wrote something and then she heard what I wrote was priceless! She even asked if she could keep it some where special. I may make one of these for all of my kids every year! It was worth making to see the smile on her face.

I spent some time with my hubby after the kids went to bed tonight. Talking, relaxing, doing life together. It was awesome just to sit. We didn't have to be running after the kids. We didn't have to be working. We could just enjoy each other. It was much needed after he's been gone so much this past week.

I think resting in bed is the perfect way to end this week. Tomorrow will start another, but it is just that; tomorrow.

Please be in prayer over doctors appointments tomorrow. Please pray that both the little girls are healthy despite Kinsley's delays. Please be in prayer that we get results for the MRI tomorrow and that they are favorable. Please pray that they give us some insight to what is wrong with Kinsley's vision and delays. Please pray that I enjoy my time away from all of the kids tomorrow as I go get my hair cut and colored. I'm going PINK! Please pray that I take the time away to enjoy myself. That I take it as a time of rest, that I take it for me to do something that will make me feel good about me.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support. I can honestly feel your prayers every day. When I think I can not do another moment, that's when I feel one of you pray for our family. Please keep up the amazing power of prayer. 

Love

I have felt all the love in the world today. Love for me, for my family, for our situation. On my way home from a bible study we do on Thursday nights I cried. I cried not because I was sad, but because I felt so loved.

My family loves me. I have no doubt of this. They are there for me, my husband, and my kids. They will always be there for us. They will love us through Kinsley's disabilities. They will love us when life gets tough, when life is messy. Of this there is no doubt. I have an excellent Mother, father, brother and sisters. I have a fabulous sister in law and great nephews. My in laws are just as wonderful. I get random emails from my sister in law that are often devotions I need to hear for the day. I have a brother that just loves on my children in the most gentle ways. They way he held onto Kinsley tonight just showed how much he loves and cares for her. The time he take to talk to each one of our kids. My mother never leaves me. Shes always there for me to talk to. She knows from experience the hardships it takes to raise a child with special needs. My dad is amazing also. The way his face shines when he hears our oldest call him "ganpa" or our Son ask him "whats in your truck?" is priceless. One of my sisters has handicaps and she just loves being an aunt. My other sister now lives 20 hours away and although we have never always gotten along I know the love she has for me, our family, and for her niece. She will always put our disagreements on life out of the way if it means supporting her family. My in-laws are wonderful. At first I felt as though I wasn't welcome into their family. I felt like I was the  last person they wanted their son to be with because I had two children already. In the past year they have done nothing, but make our family feel so loved. My mother in law helps feed my sewing addiction by going to the fabric stores with me. She comes over to help sew and we can talk about whatever. My father in law is always helping with the kids and loves being a grandpa. I am so blessed to have all of this family surrounding us during this journey.

Family is not the only way I have felt loved lately. I have been making some good connections with friends. I don't have many friends. Seeing as I stay at home with my kids I don't go out to do a lot. I don't make a lot of friends. Also if I make friends they might want to get close to our family. They might feel the pain of this journey we are on with Kinsley's vision. This scares me and therefore I stay away from making to many friends. I have reconnected with a friend, who I for a while felt so distant from. Things had happened between this friend and I. I though things would never feel good enough to be friends again. Well guess what? Tonight proved to me that she truly cares about our family. She truly loves us even though we are going through a difficult time. I can say that I felt loved. At bible study she even walked me through a different perspective of life that I didn't think about before. She spoke truth in my life. It wasn't just her that made me feel loved though. My whole bible study group did. They listened, the shared, the prayed for us. It was amazing. I left bible study feeling at peace. Happy even that I do truly have friends where I felt like I didn't really fit in. Most of all I am glad that I have a friend back. I cried. I cried all the way. Today was a great day! I am going to bed feeling blessed beyond measure.

Kinsley had a therapy appointment this morning. She is very limber. She has no resistance on the left side of her body. Her right side is weak also, but not to the extent of the left. We need to be doing some therapy 6 times a day for 20 minutes each time. Hopefully this will allow her to get her strength up so she can start sitting and reaching other milestones that need to be reached. Thank you for your continued prayer. Please pray that we find out the results of her MRI tomorrow. I really don't want to have to wait the whole weekend to find out on Monday. 

Long week

If you know me at all you know that when life doesnt go as I had intended I tend to freak out a little. If I dont plan things out I tend to get anxious. When I don't plan things my house tends to fall apart. I tend to start getting depressed because I do not feel like I am doing enough. I had one of those moments today.

Yesterday I had planned on laying low all day. I knew after the MRI that Kinsley would need my attention the remainder of the day as she may have had some side effects. No biggie, I had that under control. Until the MRI and after went no where near what was planned. Last night fell apart completely. I didnt get any work done. I didnt get any of the house clean. I was just to exhauseted, physically and emotionally. I sat in bed on the computer researching, pinning, and facebooking. I dozed on and off inbetween hoping nothing else was going to happen to Kinsley.

Today I had no plan. This is never good. I hate not having a plan. All I knew was I needed to get our oldest to school, go to Joanns fabric, and to meijer. I then went to hang our with my mom and nephews. My son wanted to play with his cousins and how could I say no. The house wasnt terribly messy and other then picking up and doing some laundry I didnt really have much to do. I just figured to myself I could do it tonight. Then I remembered... I needed to go help at girl scouts. I was helping the girls learn to sew! Oh how exciting it is to teach them how to do something tha I love. So there was no getting things done, but wait. Super Awesome babysitter saved the day. By the time I was home the house was clean! Oh how awesome it is to have a baby sitter that takes such awesome care of my kiddos and picked up the house for me. I had fun at Girl Scouts, but I needed to get ready for the garage sale we are having this weekend. I headed to the laundry room and started sorting what needed to be sold and what didnt. Crisis adverted, but the week isnt done.

Tomrrow I wont be home till late. I need to help my mom price stuff for the garage sale, bake cookies, and then go get groceries. I wont be home till close to 7. Thursday Kinsley has a PT appointment and then I will be heading to my brothers house to help with the garage sale. Friday and Saturday are garage sale days as well. It will be an even buiser end to the week then beginning. I need to remember not to stress. That it is fine. Way harder for me to do then say. So please pray for peace. Pray that I dont let myself get worked up about what my normal week looking like doesnt happen this week. 

Scared and Shaking

If you could have had a window into the hospital this room you have seen me scared and shaking. Pacing the floors feeling like my hands were tied behind my back and helpless. Moments where I was crying. Me hovering over Kinsley's bedside not knowing what to do. If you could have had a window looking into our room you would have seen my husband feeling just as helpless, but strong. Strong for me. Strong for our baby girl. Holding it together when I am sure he probably would have liked to let it go. We were helpless. We sat for what seemed like hours and hours waiting for our baby girl to respond.

Kinsley had an MRI this morning. Our day started at 6am. We left our house expecting to go to the hospital, get the MRI, and come home. We were expecting that we would get home around 11am if not before that. We did not prepare ourselves for what we were about to experience this very day. We were not ready. We were not prepared. Already tired from not sleeping the greatest last night and from being up early this morning my body could not handle what was going to happen.

Once at the hospital it took a while to be called back. Once in the back we met our nurse who was super nice. She told us all about what medicines they were going to give Kinsley and what each would do. Then she went on to explain the IV and the contrast that needed to be put in the IV. She asked if we felt comfortable. "Sure" I thought to myself. I am as comfortable as I can be with what you are about to do to my sweet baby girl. So I signed the paper that said they may do the procedure. It was supposed to be easy, simple, no big deal. Once the IV in we had the hard part done with or so we thought. I was not prepared. I was not ready for what was to come.

They wheeled my sleeping daughter to the back where the MRI was to take place. Kelly and I went to find some breakfast at the cafeteria. No big deal right? We just needed to get some food and then shortly after we got back we would see our baby, wake her up, and then head home. We got our food and brought it back to Kinsley's room. There we waited. We waited in the small confined walls that made her room. The longer we waited the smaller the room felt. The longer we waited the more I panicked. The MRI was taking longer then they had originally planned. I am still not sure if this is good or bad. The longer we waited the more I feared the worst. I still was not prepared for what would be happening next. I was still not ready to feel the impact of the coming events on my heart.

Kinsley finally arrived! She was back where she belonged with her mommy and daddy. The nurse had said she should wake up within a few minutes, we could feed her, and then head home. Five minutes passed and the nurse took the oxygen off of her nose. That would help her wake the nurse thought. She thought pulling the tape that held the oxygen in place would wake her. No such luck and within minutes of taking off the oxygen her oxygen saturation started dropping. My heart starts sinking. They stick the oxygen back in her nose and continue to let her rest. I start to feel at ease again. I tell myself its okay, but have a little more reservation now. I can not get my hopes so high. I will still be in good cheer though. I pace, stand over the bed, sit, text, and pace some more. Ten minutes pass. They try again. The nurse starts taking the tape off the IV sight hoping to stir Kinsley into an alert state. No such luck. They try to take the oxygen off. Numbers start dropping. My heart sinks even lower this time. Que pacing, freaking out, crying, and more. Que texting as fast as I can to muster as many prayers as I can for our sweet baby. My hands were tied. Nothing I could do would help my sweet girl. Rest and putting the oxygen got here back to where she needed to be. I start to feel better. This time less better than the time before. Still feeling guarded as to what is happening. This was not what they told me. This is not what I expected. I was scared. I was sad. This went on for an hour.

Finally my baby girl woke up! I will never love her sweet eyes more then I did the moment I saw them after this scary morning. Oh and that sweet, sweet smile when she heard her daddy's voice. I was not prepared for this mornings events, but that, that right there was priceless. It made all my fears float away. I knew that now I wasn't helpless. I knew now that I could do something. I could hold onto my baby for dear life. Because she had a rough time with they anesthesia we need to watch her closely through the night. I am okay with that. I may not get any sleep due to worrying about her, but it will be worth it to know that she made it through the night with no further issues.

If I would have had a window looking in I think I would have saw a panicked mommy and daddy. I would have saw them surrounded by lots and lots of people. All of those that said a prayer today would have been holding this mommy and daddy up. Keeping them from falling to the ground. If I had a window looking in on our days events I think I would have seen a father far bigger then my husband or I holding our sweet baby girl. Her heavenly father was carrying her through. He woke her in his time. Your prayers carried Kelly and I through. I could feel them. From the bottom of my heart "Thank you" to each one of you that prayed for us this morning. Weather you knew of the difficultly we were having or not, thank you.

Please pray for peace throughout the night. That I may come to terms with what happened this morning. That I may not worry myself sick over what could happen in the middle of the night. Please pray that I get some sleep. Please pray that we find peace the rest of the week also whiile we wait for the results. 

What Ifs are making me Sleepless

It will be a sleepless night. I am wide awake and worried to no end. I am full of What ifs. I am sad that my baby has to go through all of these tests. I am sad my baby has no vision. I feel all these emotions all over again. I am angry. Angry that she is going to have a life full of challenges when I have lived one that has been fairly easy. I am to cry. I want to snuggle her all night long. I want to hold her until I can not hold her any longer. I want to hold her till they take her from my arms to bring her to do the test. My brain just will not shut off

What if something is seriously wrong like a tumor or other mass?

What if someone doesn't look at the test fast enough?

What if something is wrong with more then just her vision?

What if it was something I did in my pregnancy like not eat enough protein or drink enough water?

What if it was something that I didn't do like take my prenatal vitamin every day?

What if, What if, What if?

Questions of what if don't change the way life is. I know in my heart of heart that the what ifs just make things worse. It just makes this worry worse. It just makes my heart sad. What ifs don't stop her from being our baby girl. They don't stop her from being perfect just the way she is. The what ifs don't mean that her vision will change.

God made her in HIS image. He gave her to our family for a reason. He knew I would be a good mommy. He knew Kelly would be a good daddy. He knew that her siblings would be perfect for her. I was told by my sister in law the other day that some of my qualities that most people would find negative are actually positive when it comes to being Kinsley's mom. I am strong willed, loud, and stubborn. These qualities will help me advocate exactly what I need to advocate for Kinsley.

I know that I shouldn't be down on myself. I need to gain the self esteem and self confidence that I am the perfect mom for Kinsley. I need to kick out the what ifs. They need to be evicted from my brain. Most importantly they need to be evicted from my heart. The more space they take in my heart the less space I have for what is important.

What if Kinsley becomes an actress?

What if Kinsley becomes Ms. America?

What if Kinsley becomes a famous Artist?

If any of those happens I will be a proud Momma. If any of those things happen I know that Kinsley will have tried her best in all of life. I will be her biggest Cheerleader. Mommy and Daddy will be there to support her every hour of every day.

So while tonight might be a sleepless night while thinking about the MRI tomorrow morning I will be trying my best to remind myself that Kinsley is the perfect daughter for this Mommy and I am the perfect Mommy for Kinsley.

Please pray for peace. For comfort. Please pray for the nurses and techs that will be administering the IV, anesthesia, and the MRI itself. Please pray for Kelly and I as we have to hand over our baby girl while she has this procedure done. Please lift us up in prayer during the week also while we wait for results. 

Advocating

Advocating is hard work. It is draining, tiring, exhausting some days. I will however, continue to advocate for my sweet baby girl until the end of time. We have had a rough go at this.

We have had Early On tell us that despite her diagnosis she doesn't qualify for care. I have now talked to every possible person in a higher position and she will finally receive the therapy she deserves. I have a baby who can not see. Who is not any where near sitting up at just over 6 months. I have a sweet little girl who still holds her legs up to her chest like she is in a fetal position. She is no where near ready to start eating solids. She can not even see where the spoon is. Yet they were telling me she wasn't able to receive services.

I also came across a website that on their very main page said that their goal was to get Braille bibles into of children starting at a very young age so that as they learned Braille they would have a bible and be able to read those stories that most kids grow up reading. When I requested one of these for Kinsley they denied my request. They stated that only 10% of parents actually teach there child braille and that since she isn't reading yet they will not send her one. I was upset. On their made page they said they wanted to get them into the hands of children early. I was trying my best to get her a bible just as I have given my other children a bible at her age. I responded by saying just as you read to an infant and they look at the pictures should not by blind child be given a bible that I can read to her and she can feel?Our bible will be in the mail soon.

Advocating will be my liefs work from here on out. I need to stand up to those who only give my daughter 50%. Only give half an answer, half the time, and push her off because they are  not sure how to deal with reality. I can only imagine what I will endure once she starts school. I can only imagine what this life of advocating will be like. I have had my taste and it makes me tired. It is what she needs. It is what she deserves. 

A Normal Day

I am not sure that I can even call this life normal. It's not. However, today has seemed the most normal in a long time. I tried to keep my mind off what Kinsley's diagnosis. I tried to keep my mind off her upcoming MRI. I tried to make the day as normal as possible. Guess what, It was peaceful.

The day started uneventful and continued. Although neither of the little girls didn't want to nap today it didn't seem to matter. I was at peace. I didn't get to nap or sew like I normally would do while they are all napping in the afternoon, but that was okay. I just rolled with the punches.

If I have learned anything about this new life we are traveling it is that I am not in control. My plans can be just that plans. They may or may not happen. God is teaching me that as long as I abide in him I will be fine! I will make it through all things. I can have peace during these stressful times. I think the hardest thing for me is through this whole thing is the ups and downs. Its an emotional roller coaster that I am not sure how to handle some days. I will take whatever peaceful days I can get.

I can truly feel all of your prayers. Please keep them coming. 

A glimpse of Hope

Today I saw a glimpse of hope. A glimpse of what be some shadow vision. We knew all along that the process in unclear what Kinsley is facing. All we know is that her vision is several impacted to the point of being labeled blind.

Today we had the Vision Instructor out to the house. She did multiple tests with Kinsley and also read out loud the reports from the eye doctor and explained in more detail what those words meant. She was such an encouragement in this great roller coaster ride we are living.

Here was my glimpse of hope! Kinsley tracked something. A big something, but she tracked. Although her immediate fixation on this rather large object was delayed she did end up catching a glimpse of it and then proceeded to follow. Once it crossed her mid line and to the other side of her body she would lost it. She was following a 12 inch by 12 inch square black paper.

Here is the kicker. When doing these tests with the VI teacher it was very hit and miss. Kinsley only responded to stimuli in her vision 25 percent of the time and out of those times it was a delayed response 90 percent of the time. This means that her vision is so inconstant that its hard to even know what she is really responding to. The other factor in today's events in that testing was done in an "non typical" setting. This means that all other distractions were taken away. There was no brothers and sisters running around. There was no TV on. There was no other things to distract Kinsley.

The VI teacher also said it is hard to test Kinsley because her hearing is so super. She can hear the softest whisper and dropping of items. This means if you crinkle the page she is going to be looking at in the slightest bit, she is going to be gazing in that direction.

Both the eye doctor from reading her report and the VI teacher have are leaning to CVI which is also called Cortical Blindness. Something that will effect Kinsley her whole life, which we have been expecting any way. It does however mean that she may see some things. CVI can change your vision on a minute by minute, day by day basis. One minute she may be "seeing" something and the next she can be completely blind.

As you can tell this is a frustrating journey. I have wanted to jump for joy all day, but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up to high. I am so happy and feel so blessed that she tracked even with a delay so few times. I am however still worried and scared about how to help her develop in the future. This is not going to be an easy disease to work with. Blindness, CVI, whatever is in store for her will not only be hard for us, but for her. She will be different. She will have to endure so much.

Please thank the Lord with us for such small improvements. Also ask the Lord to continue to be with us through this roller coaster of a ride. 

Weak, yet so Strong

I suffer from depression. It started out as just a seasonal thing. When the winter months hit I could feel myself in a sad state of mind all the time. I just couldn't get over things I would normally let slide. I could never feel happy because the sun was missing and the days were short. I felt so helpless, so weak. I couldn't overcome this sadness. I must have been weak right?

Then my seasonal depression turned into Post Partum Depression after my youngest two girls were born. With Monkey girl my PPD was so strong those first 6 months. I was helpless, I cried. I was sad, I felt like I was a horrible mother. It meant I was weak right? I had to seek the help of my doctor, who in turn prescribed me the right medicine to help me get through those times. With Kinsley I knew that I would fall into that PPD and to top it off my seasonal depression would make it worse. I talked to my doctor ahead of time and decided we would start on depression medicine before our sweet baby girl was even born. I so thankful that we were going to be proactive. I never would have guessed the PPD and the seasonal depression would have ganged up on me so hard. It was as worse as my depression has ever been. We adjusted my medicines a few different times. I felt defeated, I felt weak.

These feelings of being weak amplified after we found out about Kinsley. I fell straight to the pit of depression. Farther then my medicine would help. Farther then any one will ever know. I was weak. I brought into the world a baby that would live her life with a disability that would affect her everyday. How could I do this? Why did I want just one more? How could I have not known she was going to have to live her life this way? So many questions have raced in and out of my mind. In and out of my heart. I felt so weak. So helpless. There was nothing I could do to change back the time. There was nothing I could do to give my baby back her vision. I have been holding these fears, the what ifs, the worries for the future deep in my heart. I have been carrying the burden of the thinking its my fault in my heart. I want people to think I am fine. I want people to think all is well. Truth is I am weak. I can not do this one my own.

I learned something a week ago. I am weak yet so very strong. I can be strong because I have a heavenly father that loves me so much that he will carry my burden. I can claim victory over every issue in my life. I can claim victory over depression, over fears, over worry. I can claim victory in HIS name because he loves me. Because I believe in him he will help me overcome anything I ask him to help me with. One thing I have learned with this. I need to proclaim it to the world. If I just keep to myself that I claim victory over depression, over blindness, and other areas of my life I don't believe. If I say it out loud, on facebook, here, and people read it AND I believe it can happen, the world better watch out! I have felt so much better in the last week since doing this. I have learned that if I don't do this; if I don't claim victory I tend to look at the bad side of life. I start to focus on the things that can get me down. I don't want to feel down. I don't want to be at the bottom. Its not fun there. I know I am weak. I know I will fall. I know that life is not going to be perfect or easy. I know the affects of Kinsley's blindness will never go away. We will always struggle at some point. I will tell you though, I can shout to the world that I CLAIM VICTORY!!! I can pound all of those things into the ground because I have a savior that loves me and cares about me enough to take the burden of this life.

While I sit here listening to the amazing wonder of a the storm passing over head I feel peaceful. The thunder and lightening are those feelings the devil is trying to get me to believe. He is trying to get me all angry and sad. The rain that comes down is washing it all away. The rain washes all those fears, all those insecurities away.

Please continue to pray for our family. My asking for prayers will never end. Praise the Lord with me that we finally got Early On and the like all on the same page. The vision consultant will be out here tomorrow. Pray that she will get us set up on the right path to best help Kinsley grow and develop as close to her peers as possible without her vision. Please continue to pray for Kelly and I. Kinsley's diagnosis is still a struggle. One that we are both handling in different ways. May we give each other the space to grieve in our own ways and yet may we come together and hold strong to what we both know. God will carry us through.

Upside Down and All Around

Please excuse my break from blogging. Oh how I have missed it. I needed to take a slight break to deal with life. It has kind of gotten out of control. So where do I start? Let me think about this.

I hope all of you had a very blessed Easter! I spent mine with family. Kinsley also go baptized. And it was her daddy's birthday. It was a packed weekend, but full of fun. Enjoy a picture of her in her outfit made my mommy!

Well this diagnosis is hard! The day I think it gets easier I get knocked right back down. Its hard to think about some days. With Kinsley being the only baby her age that we really know I don't ever seem to think of her as behind or delayed. She is just who she is. While this is still true. She is her own person, she is behind others her age. This was brought to my attention today. It was a smack in the face so to say. This life is hard. There are still days I want to cry.

After much hassle with the insurance company and the eye doctor Kinsley will have an MRI on April 23rd. I am scared and elated at the same time. I am so glad it is happening. That we will get an even clearer picture of what is happening in my poor baby girl's head, but I'm scared.

As I said, I have had a rough go about the past week or so. Life has brought me down. I have not been handling things well, which is what brought on the hiatus from blogging. I did realize the other day that blogging does help and therefore hopefully these breaks wont happen often.

Since Monday I have been doing something on my facebook wall to help me with this life I am trying to make sense of. I have been claiming victory in the name of my heavenly father over certain aspects of my day and feelings. Boy has this helped! If I say it out loud and share it publicly I have been more apt to actually feel that way. It has in turned made this house more peaceful, fun, and joyful. I have been able to release some of the pains I have been suffering.

A verse that I wear on a hat says this "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

The same thing goes for my Victory over statements. If I confess what I have victory over and believe them my life will be better! Not 100% free from the attacks of the devil, but I will be able to better handle life.

Please continue to pray for us. This journey is far from over. This journey has just begun. We are still dealing with it on a daily basis. Please continue to pray for strength and understand for my husband and I.

Great Day

Today has by far been the best day I have had since Kinsley's diagonsis. I will no lie when I say it has been a hard road for me to travel and I needed to catch a break. I needed to just have one really, really good day. Today was the day.

I got to start the day by going to Crazy Bounce, a local bounce house. It was a blast. I got to bounce, climb up giant slides, and play like I was a kid again. My nephew beat me up in the bounce house that has the over sized boxing gloves. He wanted me to go every where with him. I loved it. I got to take my little ones all over to. Myla was not scared at all. She was off on an adventure and nothing was stoping her. My kids enjoy being there with their cousins and friends from church. Oh, I had a blast also! It was perfect.

After that we went back to my brothers house and ordered pizza. It was great. I came home to clean the house a bit before a lady and her daughter from our church came over. They came over to deliver the best present any parents could ever ask for. A NIGHT OF BABYSITTING!

Oh my word, they will never know the true blessings they were tonight. They will never understand how the timing of their request to babysit was the best timing ever. Kelly and I have been bearing the weight of so many things. Life is hard. I was blessed with their phone call on Monday. They wanted to offer us a night of babysitting at no charge. AT NO CHARGE! Oh my word how amazing. Babysitting for four kids costs a lot. We never go out unless we can find free sitters. This usually means unless our parents are willing to baby sit we stay home. Their offer brought me tears. I couldn't believe someone would want to help us out by watching all four of our children.

I so often feel like I am burdening other people by asking them to watch my children. It was my choice to have four after all. Although I can not help that Kinsley is blind it is a lot to ask someone else to take on that care.

They came right when they said they would. I gave them a tour of the house, changed the girls one last time before we left, and then headed out the door. Our  date night wasn't anything magical, sparkly, or fancy. It was perfect for us though. We went to dinner where we actually sat down and talked inside instead of going through a drive through some where. Then we ran errands without our four little bundles of joy in tow. Best part yet; they were all in bed and sleeping when we got home! This is huge! I love that I for one night got the break of struggling with them to get their jammies on or asking for just one more book or one more drink. I came home to peace and quite.

Before they left we were able to share life together. I showed them some of the things I have made. I showed them Ondrea's Easter dress. We talked about Kinsley being blind and this journey we are on as parents. How we feel we need to make each child in our family feel special. I am amazed at the faith and compassion this young girl has. She has a heart of gold. Her mother does too. I am beyond thankful for the two of them blessing us with the chance to spend time together as a husband and wife without having to be mom and dad at the same time. Before they left they prayed for us! This mom and her daughter prayed for us! Their words were so awesome. Just the prayers we needed to hear. I could feel the truth of their words and how badly they want our family to be blessed. I could hear in their hearts that even they know what we are experience is struggling that they truly want God to bless our family. It is huge. They listened while we were talking because they prayed speically about some of the things I had mentioned and that is awesome!

Please pray that they will continue to be blessed for being a blessing. Like I said; They will never truly understand the gift they gave us, they will never truly understand how perfect their timing was.

Crazy Kids, Crazy Mom

Oh how much fun today was. It was a blessing. I have four truly amazing kids, but they are crazy. Lets face it they are. I mean they are all under the age of six. They are all very much like their mother and I am not so sure that is a good thing. This in turn makes me one crazy mommy.

Life never stops. I mean never. One of them is always doing something. One of them is always getting into something. One of them is always talk, crying, whining, or buying for attention. When they finally get tucked into bed, life doesnt stop. There is cleaing up to do, a husnand to spend time with, and work to get done.

Life never stops. This is a hard concept for me to grasp. I keep going. I sleep, sure, but even in my sleep I dream. Which means my brain is still going. I am not sure I know how to stop. I'm not sure I have the power in me to just take one day and do nothing!

Although today I was still going I tried to cut back on the "extras". Those peices of the house I really want to get done, but they aren't at the forefront of making sure this house looks clean. The deep cleaning, behind the scenes cleaning. Although always in the back of my head I took time to enjoy the kids.

We jumped on the bed. We tickled each other. We laughed. We snuggled up to a movie. We played Candy Land and even sat and read a ton of books. We built with blocks. Played pretend and so much more. It was amazing! I really do savor those moments with each of the kids. They are all growing so fast. Life doesnt stop. They are growing up before my eyes. Every day they get smarter, taller, heavier, and their love grows deeper. I am so thankful for all fout of my blessings. I am so thankful that they call me mommy.

Yes, I am a crazy mommy. I get very little sleep, I am everything to them and they are everything to me. I would give up the whole world for any of them. They are my babies.

Life Is Different

This picture is worth more then a thousand words. It shows that no sight needs to be had in order for a daughter to feel the love of her daddy.

My daughter is blind. Life is different. The words we say when we talk are different. We choose our words more carefully. Even our other children are catching on. We say things like Kinsley can feel this, or listen to this movie. Those words are not words we would normally say. It is hard. It is something that shakes my ground daily still. It is a constant reminder that our life has been turned upside down.

I am so grateful for friends and family that support us. There are many hard days still. As if it isn't enough to raise 4 kids, work from home, clean house, cook, and have time for yourself, you are now raising a child that has a life altering disability. A friend of mine put it nicely when I posted this picture on a Facebook page I am a part of She said, 

"She(Kinsley) may experience the world in a different way, but she won't experience it any less. ♥"

I need to remind myself of this often. I need to write it down some where. It is so true. My baby girl WILL experience the world. She WILL do it in a different way, but there is no way she will experience it any less.

We will give her all the tools she needs, all the experiences she needs to experience this world to it's fullest. She will thrive, she will succeed, she will over come all adversity. My precious baby with her daddy. Priceless. There are no other words, you can look at the picture and just sense the love coming from both of them. He doesn't need to say a word, just stand there and let her feel his face and she knows. She knows its her daddy. She knows his love.

Our life is different, some days I wish it wasn't, but we will take every day as a blessing.