Uphill from Here

The week can only go uphill from here! My Monday morning started out rocky and it only got worse from there. By noon I was in tears I just couldnt handle the stresses of life.

Mistake 1: I woke up late. None of the kids wanted to get ready to go. Its was rough. OG was about 15 minutes late for school. After dropping her off at school I needed to drop Alligator boy off at my brothers so that I could take the two little girls to the doctor.

 Mistake 2: Taking a two year old and a 6 month old to the doctor on the same day! Where was my head? Monkey girl is so crazy and hard to keep contained. Plus I knew the doctor would be less the impressed with her large motor skills. Her MRI came back fine. Praise the LORD! The only down side to that is it still leaves us grasping for straws as to why she can not see and why she is so weak. Her muscle tone is almost completly lacking. She is a mystery child. So many complex things to deal with. We will be seeing a neurologist along with heading to the Gerber Clinic in Grand Rapids to see if they can help with therapy. The Gerber Clinic should be able to give us a better understand of what may be going on also. Monkey Girl on the other hand is advanced for her age. She is doing things most three year olds are just starting to accomplish. She impressed the doctor with everything she did. Oh and they are complete opposites. Monkey Girl is light and short. K is heavy and long. It's odd because Monkey girl looks chunky, but only because she's short. K looks skinny, but only because shes long. All in all a good appointment. Just frusterating knowing K is behind and the doctors still are not sure what is up with her.

Mistake 3: Thinking I was going to get my hair done without already having an appointment set up. I have a hair cut and color I want to go with. I was all ready to get it done today. I know the longer I wait the more I will chicken out. Well I didn't have an appointment any where so as I was calling around I kept getting told they didn't have spots open any more today. How frusterating. I just wanted my hair done. I never do anything for myself. Today was my chance and only today. Or that's how I felt any way. My mom and a friend got me out of my funk and I set up an appointment for tomorrow.

Mistake 4: I slept. Once home from the appointments this morning I fed the crazies lunch and got Monkey Girl laid down. I then put in a movie for Alligator boy and put K to sleep. Once she was a sleep I took my crabby, depressed self, and slept also. This was a mistake because I didn't get any cleaning done. My house needs a good cleaning and instead I feel asleep.

After my nap I did get some cleaning done. I got to spend time with my family. I got to giggle, play, and have fun. I got to sit and talk to my husband for a while after all the children were in bed. Oh and I got to get out of the house kid free. It was only to my inlaws down the road, but none the less it was minus my four other limbs. I have gotten some work done tonight also which is great after taking all last week off. Now if I can just continue to work until 3am when I normally end my "shift" we will be all set.

Tomorrow is another day. I can get cleaning done tomorrow. I can get my hair done tomorrow. For today I need to be thankful for my family. My house. The work that is required of me from my children, my house, and my husband. I need to be thankful that K's MRI came back okay. I need to be thankful that she is alive and well despite some delays.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Whirlwind Week

I laughed, I cried, I screamed, and I giggled.

This is what my whirlwind week consisted off. It had a lot of up and downs. I am sitting here on a Sunday evening trying to close me week the best I can. I am trying not to think of all the things the week ahead consists off. I am trying not to think of the tornado that looks as though it hit the inside of the house. I am trying to rest in peace knowing that my family is taken care of. I am trying not to anticipate the results of the MRI or what the doctor will say about Kinsley's developmental delays tomorrow. I am trying to rest in peace knowing that my Lord and Savior has me covered.

This week has been so busy. MRI, therapy, garage sale. My husband being gone till late every night. Kids, groceries, cleaning, laundry. I have been down right exhausted. I even took the week off from sewing because I knew there was just no time. I knew I needed to get to bed early this past week and just rest. It was a a good choice. I also spent some time just enjoying the kids. Laughing with them, playing with them, and living life with them. Last night we had a chain going. PJ was combing my hair, I was combing Monkey Girl's and she was combing the baby dolls hair. It was so much fun.

We are also in birthday count down mode over here. Our oldest turns 6 at the end of May *on her mommy's birthday also* Who doesn't like a count down chain? I know she loves anything she can count down so I made her one. Partly because then she could count them down and I didn't have to constantly tell her how many days till her birthday. This count down wasn't just any ordinary count down though. I made this one special. On each day of the count down I wrote something I love about OG. Something that makes her special. That she is beautiful, her dancing is amazing, her smile contagious and so many more. She took the first one off tonight before bed. The look on her face when she saw that I had wrote something and then she heard what I wrote was priceless! She even asked if she could keep it some where special. I may make one of these for all of my kids every year! It was worth making to see the smile on her face.

I spent some time with my hubby after the kids went to bed tonight. Talking, relaxing, doing life together. It was awesome just to sit. We didn't have to be running after the kids. We didn't have to be working. We could just enjoy each other. It was much needed after he's been gone so much this past week.

I think resting in bed is the perfect way to end this week. Tomorrow will start another, but it is just that; tomorrow.

Please be in prayer over doctors appointments tomorrow. Please pray that both the little girls are healthy despite Kinsley's delays. Please be in prayer that we get results for the MRI tomorrow and that they are favorable. Please pray that they give us some insight to what is wrong with Kinsley's vision and delays. Please pray that I enjoy my time away from all of the kids tomorrow as I go get my hair cut and colored. I'm going PINK! Please pray that I take the time away to enjoy myself. That I take it as a time of rest, that I take it for me to do something that will make me feel good about me.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support. I can honestly feel your prayers every day. When I think I can not do another moment, that's when I feel one of you pray for our family. Please keep up the amazing power of prayer. 

Scared and Shaking

If you could have had a window into the hospital this room you have seen me scared and shaking. Pacing the floors feeling like my hands were tied behind my back and helpless. Moments where I was crying. Me hovering over Kinsley's bedside not knowing what to do. If you could have had a window looking into our room you would have seen my husband feeling just as helpless, but strong. Strong for me. Strong for our baby girl. Holding it together when I am sure he probably would have liked to let it go. We were helpless. We sat for what seemed like hours and hours waiting for our baby girl to respond.

Kinsley had an MRI this morning. Our day started at 6am. We left our house expecting to go to the hospital, get the MRI, and come home. We were expecting that we would get home around 11am if not before that. We did not prepare ourselves for what we were about to experience this very day. We were not ready. We were not prepared. Already tired from not sleeping the greatest last night and from being up early this morning my body could not handle what was going to happen.

Once at the hospital it took a while to be called back. Once in the back we met our nurse who was super nice. She told us all about what medicines they were going to give Kinsley and what each would do. Then she went on to explain the IV and the contrast that needed to be put in the IV. She asked if we felt comfortable. "Sure" I thought to myself. I am as comfortable as I can be with what you are about to do to my sweet baby girl. So I signed the paper that said they may do the procedure. It was supposed to be easy, simple, no big deal. Once the IV in we had the hard part done with or so we thought. I was not prepared. I was not ready for what was to come.

They wheeled my sleeping daughter to the back where the MRI was to take place. Kelly and I went to find some breakfast at the cafeteria. No big deal right? We just needed to get some food and then shortly after we got back we would see our baby, wake her up, and then head home. We got our food and brought it back to Kinsley's room. There we waited. We waited in the small confined walls that made her room. The longer we waited the smaller the room felt. The longer we waited the more I panicked. The MRI was taking longer then they had originally planned. I am still not sure if this is good or bad. The longer we waited the more I feared the worst. I still was not prepared for what would be happening next. I was still not ready to feel the impact of the coming events on my heart.

Kinsley finally arrived! She was back where she belonged with her mommy and daddy. The nurse had said she should wake up within a few minutes, we could feed her, and then head home. Five minutes passed and the nurse took the oxygen off of her nose. That would help her wake the nurse thought. She thought pulling the tape that held the oxygen in place would wake her. No such luck and within minutes of taking off the oxygen her oxygen saturation started dropping. My heart starts sinking. They stick the oxygen back in her nose and continue to let her rest. I start to feel at ease again. I tell myself its okay, but have a little more reservation now. I can not get my hopes so high. I will still be in good cheer though. I pace, stand over the bed, sit, text, and pace some more. Ten minutes pass. They try again. The nurse starts taking the tape off the IV sight hoping to stir Kinsley into an alert state. No such luck. They try to take the oxygen off. Numbers start dropping. My heart sinks even lower this time. Que pacing, freaking out, crying, and more. Que texting as fast as I can to muster as many prayers as I can for our sweet baby. My hands were tied. Nothing I could do would help my sweet girl. Rest and putting the oxygen got here back to where she needed to be. I start to feel better. This time less better than the time before. Still feeling guarded as to what is happening. This was not what they told me. This is not what I expected. I was scared. I was sad. This went on for an hour.

Finally my baby girl woke up! I will never love her sweet eyes more then I did the moment I saw them after this scary morning. Oh and that sweet, sweet smile when she heard her daddy's voice. I was not prepared for this mornings events, but that, that right there was priceless. It made all my fears float away. I knew that now I wasn't helpless. I knew now that I could do something. I could hold onto my baby for dear life. Because she had a rough time with they anesthesia we need to watch her closely through the night. I am okay with that. I may not get any sleep due to worrying about her, but it will be worth it to know that she made it through the night with no further issues.

If I would have had a window looking in I think I would have saw a panicked mommy and daddy. I would have saw them surrounded by lots and lots of people. All of those that said a prayer today would have been holding this mommy and daddy up. Keeping them from falling to the ground. If I had a window looking in on our days events I think I would have seen a father far bigger then my husband or I holding our sweet baby girl. Her heavenly father was carrying her through. He woke her in his time. Your prayers carried Kelly and I through. I could feel them. From the bottom of my heart "Thank you" to each one of you that prayed for us this morning. Weather you knew of the difficultly we were having or not, thank you.

Please pray for peace throughout the night. That I may come to terms with what happened this morning. That I may not worry myself sick over what could happen in the middle of the night. Please pray that I get some sleep. Please pray that we find peace the rest of the week also whiile we wait for the results.