I feel as two steps forward, five steps back describes my life. For many reasons. I feel as though we get on a good routine and someone gets sick. We get control of the behavior issues in our house and then it's on to the next set of behaviors that need correcting. I feel like I make progress in a relationship with one of the kids or my husband and fight breaks out over something silly and backwards we go. It is so frustrating. How I wish life would go perfectly all the time. I understand my examples may seem small to some. I know people that work hard, but loss their jobs or worse their houses. I know people that love their spouse and yet divorce happens. I know my examples are mere inconveniences in every day life. Some people struggle with more then I do. I am not trying to undermine those who suffer in a greater way.
Today I am just simply saying I am tired. I am tired of feeling like I am constantly falling backwards after having experienced the greatness of what moving forward feels like. I am coming out of a time where I though I could do it all on my own. I am once again coming out of another pit of self pity, of bad behaviors from my kids, of a rough patch within my marriage. I am currently coming out of a pit where I wasn't reading my bible or praying because I was trying to do life on my own strength. Silly Me!!! I lost sight of why we home school, of why we do our devotions every morning. I lost sight of Jesus. Silly Me!!
Once again I was reminded that I can not raise my children, cannot be a loving wife, cannot be a good friend all on my own strength. I NEED Jesus!! He alone can do all things. I was also reminded that it isn't just about reading my bible. It is about LIVING my bible. Praying for my husband and my kids. Praying for their hearts, praying for their needs. I need to be in prayer for them.
Today we are back on the path of taking steps forward. We have had the most peaceful morning we have had in two weeks. As I type the kids are all playing Lego's while the oldest makes lunch. I hear laughter instead of fighting.
What changed? I spent the morning in devotions. I spent the morning praying for my heart, for the heart of my husband, and for the heart of my children. I spent time actually letting God's word sink in my heart instead of making it just another one of those things I could cross off my list. That is what changed. I gave the burdens of my heart to the Lord. I feel lighter, happier, more patient. Today is a great day. It came from the Lord and I am going to rejoice in it.
Be Blessed
Dany
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