Thoughtful Thursday: Be A Blessing

This morning I woke up and had on my heart how I could be a blessing to someone today. I spent time talking and eating breakfast with my husband. I snuggled a two year old on a crazy sleep schedule. I was still thinking. I was still searching how to be a blessing. As I read my devotions, God started speaking to my heart.

I was being a blessing already. When you pour your life into someone else. When you show love and kindness you are being a blessing. By spending time eating breakfast and chatting with my husband I was showing him he was important. That I value the time we get to spend together even if it's early in the morning. I was blessing him and he was blessing me. I was blessing my daughter by snuggling. I was showing her she is important. She is worth the time. I was blessing her and she was blessing me.

You see, there is no need to do go around the world being a blessing. Yes, that is for some people. Some people spend their whole lives in other countries blessing the people of this world. It is not for everyone. How are you being a blessing. Are you blessing your spouse and your marriage? Are you blessing your children? What about the people you work with or strangers you pass? Are you being a blessing?

I know that yesterday I was far from a blessing. I let the negative start to my day run my house. I was short on patience and every one knew it. I am human and at the end of the day I had to ask forgiveness. I needed to look my children in the eye and say I am sorry for being crabby. I'm sorry that I was quick to anger and to punish. It was not one of my better days.

You can be a blessing in small ways, you can be a blessing in BIG ways. I encourage you to start at home today. Start in your marriage. How can you bless your spouse? Can you write a sweet note? Can you send an encouraging text? Can you buy flowers, candy, or a card? What about spending some time today just talking to your spouse without interruption? If we can start in our home, blessing those we are close to, we can be much better prepared to bless those we do not know. Those that may need us more then we know.

Be a blessing. Tell me what you did today to bless your marriage. I would love to hear from you! Let's make this world a better. Let's be a blessing.

Be blessed.

Dany

Big Dreams!

Big things are happening here at the Rus household.

 First of all my oldest baby is turning 6! Only a few more days and we can celebrate that day my sweet girl was born. Her birth was rough, her start to life jeopardized by health complications. I feel as though we are celebrating a whole new stage of life. She is learning to read, she is so artistic, and has a heart for the Lord.

Some big changes work wise are happening around here as well. We will be getting slightly busier, but for good reason. We are so excited to share with you what will be happening around here. We are picking up more work. One of these days my husband will quit his day job. Until then we will be leading a very busy life. This next venture in life will be a family affair. We will be teaching our children a lot through this next venture and also learning a lot from others also.

We are praying that Proper Disposal will pick up even more. Creations by Mommy has been doing wonderful at craft shows. Hopefully those will pick up as well.

I feel like this week is a quite before the storm. Not a bad storm, just a busy as busy can be type storm. We will use this busyness for good. We will be hitting the ground running.

I should be doing dishes, laundry, and other things. I sit here instead dreaming of big things to come.

Please continue to pray for our family. Please pray that we will be a blessing to others. Please pray that we continue to make the right choices for our family.



Case of the Weekends

Wait a minute? Where did my weekend go? I thought it was still Saturday. It is right? Please don't pinch me. I don't really want to start a new week. I feel as though the weekend skipped over me.

Today I spent the morning snuggling the kids. We read books and watched a movie. It has been rainy and cold all day. It is not fun. So we did what we could do best snuggle! I stayed in my jammies almost all day. It was great. Although it didn't help me to get a lot done. I also started to come down with something. My Throat hurts, my body aches, and I have a headache. This is not a good thing. I need to get a lot of things done. I have lots to do this week. I have a craft show coming up, I have to help with Girl Scouts tomorrow, and I need to be a mommy.

Please pray that I feel better soon. Hopefully this is just a 12 hour thing. 

Ahh, The weekend.

Here we are. Friday Night. Ahh, I am sitting with windows wide open. Listening to the wind breeze blow by and the crickets chirping. All the lovely children are asleep and so is my husband. It is so peaceful sounding. I am relaxed and my soul is at peace.

It is hard for me to feel at peace some days. Today is one of them. I got to hang out with one of my most fantastic friends. We got to talk and enjoy each others company. Hubby got out of work early and the kids spent a lot of time with him outdoors "helping" him work. It was so cute to see.

I am now just anticipating my trip to Chicago tomorrow. I'm going with my husbands parents, the husband, and we are taking K with us. The older kids are staying with a sitter. The one thing on my mind is what cool fabric stores I can find while I am down there.

I'm sure that the men we are bringing along with us would love stopping at a Fabric store right? Okay so maybe not, but I think at least one should be in the books.

Enjoy your Friday Night!

I am off to sew a pair of shoes for miss K. I am thinking of taking pictures along the way and maybe doing a tutorial here to show you all. (If they turn out of course)



Uphill from Here

The week can only go uphill from here! My Monday morning started out rocky and it only got worse from there. By noon I was in tears I just couldnt handle the stresses of life.

Mistake 1: I woke up late. None of the kids wanted to get ready to go. Its was rough. OG was about 15 minutes late for school. After dropping her off at school I needed to drop Alligator boy off at my brothers so that I could take the two little girls to the doctor.

 Mistake 2: Taking a two year old and a 6 month old to the doctor on the same day! Where was my head? Monkey girl is so crazy and hard to keep contained. Plus I knew the doctor would be less the impressed with her large motor skills. Her MRI came back fine. Praise the LORD! The only down side to that is it still leaves us grasping for straws as to why she can not see and why she is so weak. Her muscle tone is almost completly lacking. She is a mystery child. So many complex things to deal with. We will be seeing a neurologist along with heading to the Gerber Clinic in Grand Rapids to see if they can help with therapy. The Gerber Clinic should be able to give us a better understand of what may be going on also. Monkey Girl on the other hand is advanced for her age. She is doing things most three year olds are just starting to accomplish. She impressed the doctor with everything she did. Oh and they are complete opposites. Monkey Girl is light and short. K is heavy and long. It's odd because Monkey girl looks chunky, but only because she's short. K looks skinny, but only because shes long. All in all a good appointment. Just frusterating knowing K is behind and the doctors still are not sure what is up with her.

Mistake 3: Thinking I was going to get my hair done without already having an appointment set up. I have a hair cut and color I want to go with. I was all ready to get it done today. I know the longer I wait the more I will chicken out. Well I didn't have an appointment any where so as I was calling around I kept getting told they didn't have spots open any more today. How frusterating. I just wanted my hair done. I never do anything for myself. Today was my chance and only today. Or that's how I felt any way. My mom and a friend got me out of my funk and I set up an appointment for tomorrow.

Mistake 4: I slept. Once home from the appointments this morning I fed the crazies lunch and got Monkey Girl laid down. I then put in a movie for Alligator boy and put K to sleep. Once she was a sleep I took my crabby, depressed self, and slept also. This was a mistake because I didn't get any cleaning done. My house needs a good cleaning and instead I feel asleep.

After my nap I did get some cleaning done. I got to spend time with my family. I got to giggle, play, and have fun. I got to sit and talk to my husband for a while after all the children were in bed. Oh and I got to get out of the house kid free. It was only to my inlaws down the road, but none the less it was minus my four other limbs. I have gotten some work done tonight also which is great after taking all last week off. Now if I can just continue to work until 3am when I normally end my "shift" we will be all set.

Tomorrow is another day. I can get cleaning done tomorrow. I can get my hair done tomorrow. For today I need to be thankful for my family. My house. The work that is required of me from my children, my house, and my husband. I need to be thankful that K's MRI came back okay. I need to be thankful that she is alive and well despite some delays.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

This crazy life I live

Our vacation was AMAZING! The time my husband and I were able to spend alone was much needed and some would say deserved. We went to the Mall of America and Ikea. It was fantastic! So much shopping was done. My husband and I held hands, walk around, and enjoyed each others company. We ate full dinners and had uninteruptted conversations. It was a piece of heaven. Part of me feels guilty for feeling that way, but it was much needed. Him and I are now on the same page again emotionally, physically, and as far as parenting goes. It's amazing! We both feel so renewed, so refreshed. Once home we were greeted by three coughing children. Ah this is life. Never a dull moment in our house. The colds are making their way around our family. The first question asked at our house was "What did you bring home for me?" they loved their presents. Our boy got Legos. We bought him a camper set. Our family loves camping! He was in heaven. He also liked that daddy filled a Lego extra box just for him. Our oldest received the new lego friends collect which she loved! Later after she went onto my room without my knowledge she found the American Girl doll that we had bought for her. So of course she had to have it opened. I was planning on saving it for her birthday. Our other monkey got a monkey shirt and an American itty bitty doll. Kinsley got clothes, rattles, and a kitty that her daddy picked out. It shakes and laughs. The coolest part is that I think she likes it the best. After we were home for a bit we noticed Kinsleys slight cough took a turn for the worst. She started breathing really bad, she was becoming lathrgetic, and I could see her ribs every time she took a breath. Kelly and I asked his parents to come babysit and took her to the emergency room as fast as we could. Once there I have never seen so many doctors in a room so fast. They got my baby hooked up to all the right cords and did all the right tests. She was stablished and was able to come home. I cried! Kinsley makes life such a roller coaster. She makes life harder then I ever wished. I love him more then anything in the world, just as I love my other children. She makes me emotional. Her poor little life is aways a fight for something. It makes me sad. I do have to tell you though tht I fell in love with my husband. This weekend he reminded me of how amazing he thought I was, but tonight was better. There is nothing more attractive and appealing to me the. Watching my husband be concerned, compassionate and sweet to our sick little girl. Watching him be a daddy is the best thing in the world. He is truly an amazing man. Please continue to pray for our family. Pray that Kinsley feels better soon and that we don't end up back in the hospital. Pray formKelly as he starts his new job tomorrow! We are all excited a out this new chance that arose. Thank you thank you for your prayers.

Peace... To an extent

Peace is a hard thing to find on this journey the Lord as taken us down. It is full of what ifs and she wonts. It is full of why us and how can this be. I have managed to find peace to an extent. Don't get me wrong. At the beinning if this week my world was flipped upside down and shaken. I feel as someone took a thousand piece puzzle called life, shook the box, opened it up, and then dumped it on the floor. I'm working on finding the edges of this puzzle. Once I find the edges the rest will slowly fill in. Once I have these edges peace will be found. The edges of my puzzle are God, family, friends, prayers, answers, and good medical doctors. All the edges are in the pile they just need to be found. I need to find peace th my heavenly father. I need to know he choose this path for me and my family for a reason. I need to find all the pieces of his word that tell me he is carrying me through this. I need to trut that my family and friends will be there to support us. Be there when we call. Give us a shoulder to cry on our a ear to hear our pain. They are all in this pile. Finding the ones worthy of being an edge piece is tricky. They have to fit just right so I can find piece in this situation. Prayers. Prayers that I offer up to my father of my own, but also prayers that others offer on our behalf. Answers to my questions. What made Kinsley blind? How bad is it? As I find these answers and come to terms with what they truly are my edges will come together. Good medical doctors are a must. I need to trust the eye doctor and pediatrician to do what is right for Kinsley medically. These are the edges of my puzzle. These are the pieces that are still being found. I have hope. I have my God. After I have the boarder of my puzzle complete I can live life and fill in the picture. It will be a beautiful one at that. The picture on the box shows me a beautiful young girl that can do amazing and wonderful things. A young girl with a heart for God. A young girl who has no vision. Who is blind. The box shows me my daughter. MY daughter! Nothing will change that. I have found peace to an extent. I have been reading these words off a card my husband and I received in the mail. It reads: God holds our lives in His hands like precious stones, polishing each with challenges, choices, and changes. And in time we become shining reflections of HIS purpose, of HIS promise, of HIS love. It brings peace to my heart. It also reminds me that once I'm out of this stage of picking up the peieces, of being polished, I will be shining for HIS purpose. He has a great plan for our family. I can feel it in my heart. Please continue to pray for us. We are far from being over our journey. We are still having good days and bad days. Please pray for us as we continue to explain to our older children about their sister. Please pray for Kinsley. May she grow up having peace in her heart and seeing the Lord even without her vision.

HOPE came in the form of Blessings

Today has been a rough day emotionally. I've cried for the majority of the day. Feeling isolated and alone. No o e knows what I am going through. I show people the strong, take charge, non emotional side of me. I smile and at God will bring us through this. I believe he will. He will bring us out on top for his glory. It doesn't change though that I am human and that I feel sad. No one I know is blind. I have no one to share this experience with on a personal level. No one I know is raising a child with no vision. Who am I supposed to get support and advice from? Who am I supposed to turn to when a new challenge arises? It's been a rough day. Kinsley didn't sleep well the previous night and the older kids were up at 6:30am fighting. Everyone started the day in a bad mood. It was only going to get worse. I couldn't wait till nap time. Kinsley screamed a blood curdling scream unless I was holding her. She slept no more then twenty minutes at a time. Myla was also more crabby then normal. Tears and lots of them happened today. Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse or better for that matter I went to get the mail. The little girls were sleeping. The big kids were playing nice. It was time for me to get some fresh air, walk to the end of the driveway, and get the mail. In the mail I found two little blessings. I never would have guessed these things were coming in the mail. God knew though. He knew that today was the day that I would need those words of hope and encouragement. The first one I opened was a card from Kelly's aunt and uncle. It gave me a message of hope. It said that God holds our lives in his hands like a precious stone, polishing it with challenges, choices, and changes. And in time we become shining reflections of HIS purpose, HIS promise, and HIS love. This is HOPE! This is what we will strive for. Even in our grief we want to be a reflection of God's purpose, promise, and love. I have put this card by my lamp next to my bed. These words will be my hope. God is just doing a work in our lives so that his Kingdom can shine. We may be kicking and screaming right now, but we will end up on the other side. It will be okay. Our other piece of hope came in the mail today also. This piece of hope was in an amazon box. I had to think about if I had ordered something or not. No I didn't think I did. If I had I didn't remember. Slowly I open the box seeing if I could jog my memory. I swear I didn't buy anything. Inside the box is a book and a note. The note stated that this person and church was thinking of my family and praying for us as e travel this road. The book was perfect. It is called Parenting Childre with Disablities: A Survival Guide for Fathers and Mothers. I've read the first 2 chapters already and love it. I'm not alone. Other parents have experienced similar feelings when hearing their child has a disability. I am super excited to get to the chapter on how to make our marriage survive when have a special needs child. Kelly and I aren't having trouble, but making sure we are sticking together as one now will keep it that way. Our vacation coming up will help us renew our identity away from the kids and as a couple. This gift showed me people care about me and my family. People are praying for us. People are sharing words of hope to our family. For all of these people I am thankful. Please continue to pray for us. Pray that we can stay positive. Pray that we continue to make our family strong despite this set back. Pray that we stay strong in our faith and let the Lord carry us through. Oh and a funny. Kinsley was screaming in her swing (not funny part) and I needed to quick vacuum. So I let her fuss. Once I turned the vacuum on she stopped and was smiling away. The minute I turned off the vacuum she started again. So I did an exleriment. Sure enough she loves the vacuum. She thinks it's funny. Thank you for your continued support, grace, and love. Danyelle

Tears, Prayers, and Hope

Today made our reality official. At 9:15am we went to the eye doctor. In the exam room i felt my body begi to fill with fear. My heart was in my stomach and mu hands were shaking. This was by far the hardest moment yet. Waiting. We got pulled from the waiting room rather promptly. We were in the exam room where the nurse began to do the initial testing of Kinsley's eyes. The nurse talked, charted, shined some lights, move some objects, and repeated. Hopeful to see some change in Kinsley's eye sight wage was just as disappointed as we were. As she got ready to leave she said the doctor will be with you shortly. we waited yet again. We waited for the official news that was going t change our life forever. Thirty long and painfully agonizing minuts lapsed. Finally we hear a knock,knock, knock. If my heart wasn't already in the lit of my stomach it was now. If my hands were not trembeling they were now. If I wasn't already trying to choke back tears I was now. The knock on the door meant there was no turning back. We were about to be faced with reality. In walks the doctor. She smiles. She shakes our hands and tells us how nice it is to see us. Then she asks the question we knew we would hear. "How are her glasses doing?" When we told her there has been no change you could see the worry come across her face. She knew what she was going to have to tell us. She then proceeded to test using all th same methods as the nurse. Kinsley once again failing all of them. The doctor kept watching. Watching in hopes that we may see one slight little hope that there is something there. Watching. Hoping. Then came the news. She startd by saying we would need to take Kinsley for an MRI. The MRI would show why she could not see. Not that it will fix anything, but we need to see where the damage is being done. Then she told us the news. Kinsley culd not see. She was blind. I held myself together. I could not let this doctor see that I was weak. I could not let her know she has just shattered my whole world. She took away hopes and dreams. I finished listening to her talk. Hopeful we would make it through this journey she said we didn't have to do it alone. She told is there are resources, support groups, and people available to help guide us through this uncharted waters. Again she remained hopeful. Hopeful that if Kelly and I surrounded ourselves with the right people we would survive. I'm not so sure. She liken this journey we are on to facing a fear. She said a person who hates public speaking tries to avoid it, but once they do it a few times it gets better. My the times they have done it a bit they actually enjoy it. She said on this journey we will hate the first few weeks or months. We will find them hard and want to try to avoid the truth, but after we have traveled this path a while it will become more tolerable. Tolerable enough to the point where we wil, enjoy the place this journey is taking us on. She shook our hands and left. Out in the parking lot I placed Kinsley in the van. I hugged my husband and cried. My world had been crushed. My world had been thrown of this picture perfect track. I needed his embrace. I needed to feel his warmth and comfort. He has been my rock of strength through this. He is my partner, my love, my support. He was holding me up when I wanted to just collapse to the ground. As Kelly went back to worm I headed back to my other children. They were at my brothers house. Once there I cried some more, not realizing how hard those words would be to hear. We knew it was a possibility. Why was I letting it get me so sad. I got some snuggles from my nephew. (seeing as my brothers kids loves Mario I will refer to his childre as Mario characters) My nephew Luigi snuggles. He is the sweetest boy. He loves Kinsley. And to say he loves Kinsley is an understatement. I got the pleasure of taking Luigi to school where he talked my ear off about the valentines party he was going to have. As I said good bye he played our special little game. He said "bye. I not love you Aunt Dany" and he giggled a sweet giggle. It brought tears and a smile to my face. As the day poured on more people were called, more people offered support and prayers. More tears were shed. More questions were asked and more dreams were grieved. It will take time to heal. I need to deal with reality. I need to grieve. I ended my day by going out for some drinks with my sister in law and a family friend. There they allowed me to share a piece of this pain I am carrying. There they were the best friends I could ask for. There I was able to talk about my pain or the weather. They let me be me. And the loved on my Kinsley! It was nice to they wanted to take the time to spend some time with me on o e of the hardest days of my life. It was nice of them to want to enter into the pain that I'm carrying. I feel as though they each took a piece of my pain with them. That makes my load a little lighter. I am thanking the Lord for these amazing women. They love God, the love Kinsley, and the love me. They touched my heart, sometims the pain of others lives is to much for us to want to enter into. They were not afraid. They entered. They entered with love and support. For that I am thankful. Support has been given today. Resources have been found for us so that in this time of grieving we dint have to do a ton of research. Prayers have been offered for us. Smiles have been given. Hugs have been given. Love has been given. By those things I will rest in peace tonight. Knowing my God loves me enough to carry me through this pain. P,ease continue to pray for my sweet baby girl, our family, and friends and we experience a journey like none we ever imagined we would face. Danyelle.

Mixed emotions

Yesterday and today were very different. Yesterday I felt like my world was collapsing. Everything with Kinsley's sight makes it feel like the world is a horrible place. How can something so bad be happening to a sweet innocent child? I just don't understand. Before I went to bed I sat and ate my depression favorites, fudgesciles, and had a glass of wine. I ate four of them to be exact. I don't even feel guilty about that. I do however feel guilty about wanting to leave my sweet girl at the end of the month for our mini vacation. Today was okay emotion wise. Kinsley's smiles made me forget that she has problems with her vision. When she smiled all the problems of the world melted away. Today I am feeling as though I will conquer the world. I will show blindness whose boss. I will not let this get me down. This roller coaster ride I am on is making me tired. It is making me feel older then I am. I am living life by the moment. It is hard to plan for the future when you have no clue what tomorrow will bring. Your world can be turned upside down in mere minutes. Mine was. Mine has turned into a journey I never thought I would need to take. I wil come out stronger on the other side. I will meet people I would have never met. I will be the strength to another mom facing these same trails some day. Just as I have had moms mentoring to me in the past few weeks. Please continue to pray for Kinsley and our family. Life will be different then we dreamed. Pray that we grieve, but yet we also see hope in the Lord for our future.

Hard Pill to Swallow.

To was a deep valley in our journey of of vision problems. I have cried on and off. Here is why: Our day started out pretty much as normal. Everyone got ready to head to school, breakfast had been devoured, clothes put on, and everyone was ready to go. Today was a little different in that I dropped the middle to children off by my mom then proceeded to take the oldest to school. From there I took my sweet baby girl home. Why were just the to of us going home you ask? Very good question. Kinsley had her Early On evaluation this mourning. Some may not know what that is. It is a group of people that work with our county to offer free services that aid parents in taking care of children with disabilities. They came out today to give Kinsley her official evaluation. Once at home I paced the floors waiting for these people to get to our home. I was nervous. We are fully aware that Kinsley can experience some delay in her other areas of development, but didn't want to hear if she was significantly delayed. These ladies filed into our home with their bags and notebooks. The also brought big smiles and warm voices. They were all so sweet it helped to calm my nerves. They all sat down and we got started. Lots of questions were asked, note were being written, and assements were being taken. The more they prodded for answers the less confiedent I was feeling. I felt like I wasn't doing enough for my sweet baby girl. One by one these women told me just how far behind my sweet girl was. With an overall development of a one and a half month old I was sad. At three and a half months I was hoping she was doing better. The vision specialist said that children this age learn 80% of things through visual stimuli. With her vision being compromised that is why she is behind in other areas. Heartbreaking, but the truth, I k we there was no whee else to turn. We needed the services Early On has to offer. Talking to each on of the ladies we set up goals that each of them would work with us on. I say us because they are teaching me just as much as they are teaching Kinsley. We also decided that Kinsley would benefit best with 4 hours of therapy a week. We will be seeing each of four speciality for one hour at a time. We will be seeing a speech therapist, physical therapist, occupational theraist, and the vision specialist. That a lot of people on and out of our house. I am grateful for the support we can be offered through them at no cost. This is a blessing. I'm just sad that I need these services for my baby girl. After all the goals were set and the evaluations were done I was asked a very important question. "What is your support system like?" I said its great. Our parents and siblings are awesome supporters, but we also have a church family at are always there for us. Wondering why she aged such a question she responded like this "Caring for someone who has a disability is hard work. Kinsley will take a lot of time and energy. You need a support system that will feel comfortable taki care of her no matter what her vision turns out to be. You need to be able to trust someone(s) so that you can get out by yourself, with your husband, and with your other children." For those of you that know me know how hard it is for me to let go of control. It will be even harder to let go of that control when it comes to care for Kinsley. Not wanting to burden any one else with her disabilities and extra care I will be more hard to convince I need a day away. I am thankful for a GREAT support system. I know many family and friends praying for us. I know so many friends and family that will help if we need it. I have no doubt that if I need to call on someone they will be there for us. I'm preparing myself for these things now. We leave Kinsley and the rest of our children at the end of a month for a weekend get away. It is scary, but I trust the people my children will be with. I've been mourning. Mourning the way I envisioned life for Kinsley. I've been asking God why us? Why my family? Why my sweet baby girl? I am sitting and listening for his answer. I feel it's okay to grieve these things, it's okay to ask God questions. I know he has a plan for our family. I know he has a plan for Kinsley. He is in control! He is the l Ought of our world and we need to stay focused on him. Please continue to be on prayer for our family. We are mourning the way we envisioned life for Kinsley. We are mourning the delays she is experiencing, but we have hope. Hope in the Lord that she will live a full and happy life. That she will bring great joy to many people. Danyelle

Laughter, warm hearts, and the dreaded nerves

With a title such as this I feel like I should be writing a comic book. Something along the lines if the dreaded nerves were on the rise today. Hoping to take momma bear down, but laughter and her side kick warm heart moved in to save the day! So as you can see I am not a comic book writer. I will, however, tell you about all three things. My mornings here have been surprisingly peaceful. I have had the time to enjoy my kids getting ready in the morning. This morning was a blessing. As my oldest was getting ready for school she said "Mommy, Mrs Sherrie loves me just like she loves the boy and girl at her house that are her kids. And mommy, the warms my heart.". Oh child, you just warmed mommy's heart to. How sweet of her to say that. For those of you who don't k ow Mrs. Sherrie she is one of the sweetest, most generous teachers ever. She is a special education teacher who truly loves her job and her students. This is our daughters third year with this teacher. mrs. Sherrie is amazing. So ther it is warm heart. Now on to laughter. My brother and his wife will ask why I didn't tell my nephew not to do the following and to that I will only responde because I'm his aunt. Picture this: My daughters bed is pretty tall with an even taller headboard. The headboard has shelves upon which you can set things or stand on. Now picture these super cute four year olds standing way up in the headboard. The twinkle in their eye, the smile on their faces, the belly laughs as they know what they are doing is probably not okay. The. Came the jump. They both jumped onto the mattress of the bed and laughed hysterically. I could not tell them now. I laughed so hard. It was so cute to see them jumping off this high place. Their goal was to knock down the clothes I was trying to fold and put away. They accomplished their goal with might roars of laughter. It was just what I needed. My son and nephew provided me with the best possible therapy today. They allowed me to laugh at something silly. They allowed me to enjoy being a kid. I also got to enjoy candy land and play dough! My nephew loves his cousin Kinsley. And that might be an under statement. He adrores her. If he is around everyone else can forget holding her. In that sweet voice of his and a smile on his face he said "Aunt Dany, I love Kinsley's glasses I want to keep her." once again my heart melted. Laughter and a warm heart did a great job at keeping away the nerves for most if the day. Why am I nervous? Well I am nervous because Early On is coming to the house tomorrow. They will be eveulating Kinsley in speech, physical development, and development. It's only nerve wrecking because it makes it seem more real that she has needs that I can not meet for her in my own. I don't want to be told I am parenting her the wrong way or that I should be doing more. Early On coming out also brings feelings of joy. I will get advice, resources, and help. I have never raised a baby with limited to no sight and need all the advice from professionals that I can get. If you get a chance say an extra prayer for us tomorrow. That I won't be nervous. That I take everything that is presented before me tomorrow in a positive way. Pray for Kelly as he will be at work and not able to attend. Help us to make the right choices based on the advice of the professionals coming to work with us. Danyelle

Attitude and Lots of it

Attitude. Good, bad or otherwise attitude is everything. Everything today has reminded me about attitude. Today has made attitude the center of my prayers and my day. Lord do I have the right attitude? What kind of attitude should I have? Am I passing down an attitude to my children that I would like them to have? It's all about attitude. We have four girls in this house. That's a lot of attitude! Our oldest can have a big one at times. What five and and a half year old doesn't. Lately though I have noticed a change her attitude is right in line with mine. If I'm being grumpy and short tempered so is she, if I am giving my kids an attitude she is dishing one right back at me. Where I see her not so sweet attitude the most is in the morning. She hates getting up early for school. She hates having to get ready by a certain time. This is always where things get bad. This is where we butt heads, especially of I have woken up late or grumpy. I have changed my morning attitude. I have made getting ready a fun game. We race. We race to see if she can get dressed faster then I can get one of her sisters dressed. We see who can eat the fastest. We see if she can beat the timer to get shoes on. This has made our mornings fun! I changed my attitude and she changed her's. W have had five school mornings in a row with no bad attitudes! Praise the Lord. Then we have the attitude f our almost two year old! She has a BIG attitude! She is two going on twenty. She wants to do everything by her self. She says "no talk to me". And she can throw one heck of a fit. She is all attitude. She isn't fighter. She is a go getter. I think her type of attitude is nescessary at some points. I also think its important that we, as parentsm try to curb this negative attitude and develope one that is a wee kinder. The lesson I learned today is two fold. I need to change my attitude about this journey we are on. I need to allow myself to see hope in the glasses. I need to be like my five year old who changes her attitude if mommy does. I need to adopt the attitudes of those around me that have hope for Kinsleys glasses. I need to let myself hope. I know there will be people to pick me up if my hopes are crushed. I need to hope for now so I can wake up each morning and be okay. The other lessoned I learn was I need to be like. My almost two year old. I need to be a fighter, strong willed, independent. I need to be these things for Kinsley. I need to fight for her care, her progress, her well being no matter what the outcome of her vision is. Sometimes I need to say a nice adult version of "no talk to me". It's okay to have both kinds of attitudes at some point through this whole journey. My prayer today is that the Lord will bless me with a posititve attitude when looking at the out come if these glasses. I am asking he provide me with a hope and believe that through him all things are possible. Please join me in prayer. I know that if I have the right attitude so will the rest of my family. I am on my knees Lord. Give us hope, given us positive attitude, and give us your grace! Danyelle

Randomness

Today was a very random day. It was unpredictable. In light of trying to keep my mind off of my sweet baby getting her glasses in a few days I took the kids to play at our local church "jungle". It's an indoor playground that is open during the day for the kids. I went with my mom, my kids and my nephews. It was fun to watch them run and play. The boys played a racing game where they would see who was fastest. My youngest nephew and daughter went down the slide more times then I can count. They loved it when I would count to 3 and then say go. What a way to keep my mind on the present. My mom took Kinsley up to the office of the church to show her off to some of the staff/friends there. One of the pastors laid hands on Kinsley's eyes and asked the Lord to heal them. Give her new one. That is my same prayer. Please Lord give her new eyes. Today as been rough in the sense I'm still sad and nervous about what people will say. On the way back to my bothers by van was acting up. Not a stress I wanted to deal with today! It was saying all sorts of things to me. Low levels and to hot. I knew it wasn't good. I let my van rest for a while. On the way home it did the same thing. It was over heating. Lord. Do you know see how much I have on my plate? Do I need a broken van to? At my father in laws house my husband and his dad tried fixing the van. No such luck. Tis left me I a panic. Not knowing when my van will be fixed I was having issue. Kinsley needed to get her glasses Friday. She NEEDS those glasses. It is my hope they help her see. After making a few phone calls I was able to find a ride for Friday and all worked out. I knew it would. I serve a mighty God! Yes I am having a hard time with this journey. It is tough for any parent. We mourn the loss of certain things we wish our children could do. Today I cried because she may never see her own smile, her own wedding dress, her own children if she chooses to have them. I am having a hard time and asking questions of my savior. But I know my savior is in control. I know he is carrying me through this. If I don't ask him questions how will I be able to listen for the answers I need. How can he show me his marvelous plan if I dont ask questions. He is a mighty God. He has plans for Kinsley and our family. Some amazing things are happening in our family despite the vision issues. I hope we can share more with you soon about how God's plan is panning out, but for now it remains a secret. Please continue to pray. Dany

A Day of Uncertianity

January 17th is a day I won't forget! I knew I would be taking Kinsley to the eye doctor. I assumed I would be going alone since Kelly had to work. my morning was pretty filled and I was able to keep my mind off the afternoons event. I spent the morning as the parent helper in Ondrea's class. It was summer day! We got to dress in summer clothes despite the fact the the pasture outside was chilling! We got to enjoy ice cream and ice cream cones for snack. W did lots of summer activities. It was just what I needed to keep my mind from worrying about the appointment I was going to be bringing Kinsley to later in the day. After playing at school with Ondrea I told her goodbye as she stayed to do special Ed. I went to my brothers where I got to spend time with my mom, kids, and nephews before I had to take Kinsley to the doctor. My middle nephew loves his cousin. He adores her. If he is around good luck holding her! He walked why she needed to go to the doctor. He was concerned about his baby cousin. I also was able to talk to my mom in regards to my concerns about Kinsley and ask her for prayer. Then I left I suddenly got nervous, anxious, and scared. What would this doctor tell me about my perfect little girl. Would she confirm that I am crazy? Would she tell me my fears were real? Would her vision be an easy fix? With Kelly by my side we watched and listened to the doctor run her test. She threw out numbers and other big words. Her left eye had a pink and gray optic nerve, her retina looked good. Her right eye had a pink optic nerve and great retina. The doctor wasn't impressed with what she was seeing. We heard a lot of "this is not good, she should be/shouldnt be doing this or that. It was hard. Like a bad nightmare I couldnt wake up from. I longed so badly to be crazy. I wanted to hear " her vision is perfect, I don't know what you were seeing that was wrong." more questions flooded my head. Why? How? Then there was hope. The doctor started trying to figure out what prescription Kinsley's glasses needed to be. "oh yay!" I thought to myself, "she must be able to see if we are being fitted for glasses." Then Kelly asked what I was thinking. "So, because your fitting her for glasses that means she can see right?" he asked. Then my hope crashed on the floor like a broken mirror. The words that came from the doctors mouth were like being Haitian the face. She said, "I'm not saying she can or can't. I still have my doubts she can see." There it was. My fear brought out in the open. I wanted to break down. I felt my prayers for good vision were being unheard We were told where to go get Kinsley's glasses. We were told to try the glasses for 4 weeks. We would then go back and see if they helped her vision at all. If not we will be doing an MRI to see what is wrong in her brain making it so she can't see. If they work that's awesome. We will then just continue to moniter her vision. We packed up Kinsley in her carseat and drove down the road to where we could get her glasses. We looked at the different colors and sizes. We tried a couple on to see what ones fit. Then it was time to pick a color. Daddy wanted purple! So our sweet baby Kinsley will be wearing Purple glasses. They had to order her frames and lenses. This means we pick up her glasses January 27th. Her follow up appointment with the eye doctor will be february 28th at 3:30. Please please continue to pray. Our whole family needs prayer. Dany

Am I Going Crazy?

Am I going crazy is a question I asked myself a lot in the last three weeks or so. It was the question I asked as I started to notice my sweet ba y girl wasn't doing what she should for her age. It was the question I asked ever time I noticed that she didn't track an item with her eyes or responde to my warm smile. I must be going crazy. There is no way she couldn't see. She is a perfectly healthy baby. My fears were starting to become a reality. More and more people were questioning why she wouldn't look at them. More and more people were noticing that she didn't track objects. When I brought my concerns up to my husband he said he had the same ones. When I brought my concerns up to my mom she said she thought something was up also. Wow, I really must not be crazy I though to myself. My wish to be crazy become an even greater wish. I wished none of us were seeing what we were. My baby is perfectly healthy. Nothing can be wrong with her vision. We are all just imagining the same things! It had to be. I couldn't face reality. Then the pediatrician noticed. She noticed that Kinsley wasn't tracking the light the doctor was singing in her face. Now what? Now what was only one of the questions I was asking. Why me? Why my family? Don't I have enough on my plate Lord? Why does my family have to do this journey? How will we do this journey. I have been praying these questions for days. The doctor gave us 2 options: 1. We can start calling around to eye doctors and see if someone would see my sweet baby girl or 2. We could wait till her 4 month checkup in February and see if her vision has gotten better. My mommy gut was telling me that it couldn't wait another month. I had to start calling eye doctors as soon as I could. I needed answers. Monday january 26th I started calling eye doctor after eye doctor. I needed to find someone that would take our insurance and a 3 month old baby (just a side note to the way the Lord works - this is the first year ever we have had vision insurance and he knew we would need it). I ended up finding a place that could get her in on February 6th. I scheduled it i hope that someone could get me in sooner, but not willing to kose the spot. So I called some more. I fund someone that could get me in on the 25th of January. Sweet that was better yet! I will take it I said. At 4:30 that afternoon the place that couldn't get Kinsley in until February called back and said they has an opening for the next day! Do I want it they asked? Of course! God knew my baby couldn't wait. He knew this mommy needed answers. We took it. It was about to be a sleepless night. Our family is going on an incredible journey. I wanted to write a blog to be hopeful, inspire, ans share with other what we are going through. It is also a place for me to be real with my thoughts and feelings as we take this path. The Lord will guide this path we are on. I ask that you join us. Offer words of encouragement, support, and love, they will be needed. Prayers are welcome! We need prayers also. If you choose to take this journey with us, please remember 2 thinks. 1. Some posts with be happy and upbeat. 2. Some posts will be heavy with emotions and the real mess of what we face. Thenk you for doing this journey with us, Dany Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans for good and. Ot disaster. Plans to give you a future and hope."