Hard Pill to Swallow.

To was a deep valley in our journey of of vision problems. I have cried on and off. Here is why: Our day started out pretty much as normal. Everyone got ready to head to school, breakfast had been devoured, clothes put on, and everyone was ready to go. Today was a little different in that I dropped the middle to children off by my mom then proceeded to take the oldest to school. From there I took my sweet baby girl home. Why were just the to of us going home you ask? Very good question. Kinsley had her Early On evaluation this mourning. Some may not know what that is. It is a group of people that work with our county to offer free services that aid parents in taking care of children with disabilities. They came out today to give Kinsley her official evaluation. Once at home I paced the floors waiting for these people to get to our home. I was nervous. We are fully aware that Kinsley can experience some delay in her other areas of development, but didn't want to hear if she was significantly delayed. These ladies filed into our home with their bags and notebooks. The also brought big smiles and warm voices. They were all so sweet it helped to calm my nerves. They all sat down and we got started. Lots of questions were asked, note were being written, and assements were being taken. The more they prodded for answers the less confiedent I was feeling. I felt like I wasn't doing enough for my sweet baby girl. One by one these women told me just how far behind my sweet girl was. With an overall development of a one and a half month old I was sad. At three and a half months I was hoping she was doing better. The vision specialist said that children this age learn 80% of things through visual stimuli. With her vision being compromised that is why she is behind in other areas. Heartbreaking, but the truth, I k we there was no whee else to turn. We needed the services Early On has to offer. Talking to each on of the ladies we set up goals that each of them would work with us on. I say us because they are teaching me just as much as they are teaching Kinsley. We also decided that Kinsley would benefit best with 4 hours of therapy a week. We will be seeing each of four speciality for one hour at a time. We will be seeing a speech therapist, physical therapist, occupational theraist, and the vision specialist. That a lot of people on and out of our house. I am grateful for the support we can be offered through them at no cost. This is a blessing. I'm just sad that I need these services for my baby girl. After all the goals were set and the evaluations were done I was asked a very important question. "What is your support system like?" I said its great. Our parents and siblings are awesome supporters, but we also have a church family at are always there for us. Wondering why she aged such a question she responded like this "Caring for someone who has a disability is hard work. Kinsley will take a lot of time and energy. You need a support system that will feel comfortable taki care of her no matter what her vision turns out to be. You need to be able to trust someone(s) so that you can get out by yourself, with your husband, and with your other children." For those of you that know me know how hard it is for me to let go of control. It will be even harder to let go of that control when it comes to care for Kinsley. Not wanting to burden any one else with her disabilities and extra care I will be more hard to convince I need a day away. I am thankful for a GREAT support system. I know many family and friends praying for us. I know so many friends and family that will help if we need it. I have no doubt that if I need to call on someone they will be there for us. I'm preparing myself for these things now. We leave Kinsley and the rest of our children at the end of a month for a weekend get away. It is scary, but I trust the people my children will be with. I've been mourning. Mourning the way I envisioned life for Kinsley. I've been asking God why us? Why my family? Why my sweet baby girl? I am sitting and listening for his answer. I feel it's okay to grieve these things, it's okay to ask God questions. I know he has a plan for our family. I know he has a plan for Kinsley. He is in control! He is the l Ought of our world and we need to stay focused on him. Please continue to be on prayer for our family. We are mourning the way we envisioned life for Kinsley. We are mourning the delays she is experiencing, but we have hope. Hope in the Lord that she will live a full and happy life. That she will bring great joy to many people. Danyelle