Love, love, love

Valentines day. Do I need to celebrate love and happiness? There is so much sadness in my life today. How can I possibly be happy and show love. Those were the thoughts that traveled through my mind first thing this morning. I needed to take these thoughts captive. I needed throw them out. Of course I need to celebrate love and happiness. I have kids, a husband, family, and friends. What isn't there to celebrate. With my new mindset I started the day. I got my energetic 5 year old ready for her very exciting valentines party. Got all the other kids ready and then headed out. Once home from dropping Ondrea off at school I had to make a choice. A. Sit on my butt all day and be sad. B. clean like a mad women and let the kids do whatever. Or C. Spend some time with the kids to keep my mind from bringing me to that sad place. So I played. I blew up some red balloons. I drew hearts on the, and wrote each of my childrens names. One on each balloon. We tossed them in the air, played catch, and then rubbed them on our heads to make our hair stand up. It was a blast! I'm so glad I chose to play. I don't want my kids to se me down or sad all the time because of Kinsley. I need to be strong. We had Parents as Teachers come out for an hour today to do some play activites with Kinsley. It was fun. They will continue to be a huge support for our family. It was now time for lunch. Then the kids went down for a nap. This is where my day went down hill. In the silence I sat. No one to talk to. No one to play with. Silence. My thoughts began to get worse. My thoughts turned against my choice to be positive. Why me Lord? Why me? I want my baby to see my face. I want her to see her own beauty. Lord why? Lord wake me up from this nightmare I am having. What did I do to make her this way? The thoughts kept coming. I was feeling worse. I sat. At in silence with my thoughts. I cried. This journey is hard. I need to walk it with the right light. And so I did. I opened my bible and there we Psalms 23. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. I dont HAVE to be afarid of this blindness. His rod and his staff they comfort me. These are comforting words. He knows I'm on this road. The Lord brought me to it, but he is not making me do it alone. Getting into his word every day, talking to friends and family, I am surrounded by love. God loves me. God loves Kinsley. I thought I would tell you all the reason why I love my husband and each of my children. Kelly - He is my rock. He provided for this family at all cost. He cares about his children. He loves teaching them new things. He is a great friend and even better husband. Ondrea - My first born. A special kind of love. Strong willed yet super sweet. Her love of music and dancing is beyond my knowledge. She has a heart of gold and a love for God that anyone would be jealous of. Parker - My only boy. A special kind of love also. Sweet and tender hearted. He loves all people all the time. He feels bad when people get hurt. He helps with dishes and with laundry. He will some day make a great husband, Myla - My tornado. Full of life and energy. She is funny. She loves to talk. She is so independent. She has the best snuggles, hugs, and kisses. I love her protection over her sister. Kinsley - I love the smile on this sweet baby girls face when she hears my voice. I love how she beams ear to war when she knows it is her momma talking to her. It makes me happy through all this sadness. Love! You never know when your world will turn upside so love! Love, love , love!