Catch up and Tears

I want to play catch up on my Days of Thanks in November. I also want to up date on Butterfly Girl since she has a doctor appointment today.

Let's start with Days of Thanks:

November 2, 2012: I am thankful so much for my Monkey Girl. I was able to spend the morning with her after I got done working. She needed to go to the doctor for her 2.5 year check up. The doctor was impressed with her vocabulary and just how smart she truly is. Spending this alone time with her allowed me to get some snuggles in. I was also able to see just how funny she can be. She is my super active, never stopping child. She is makes my heart melt and she truly is a smarty. The doctor said she was functioning at the age of a 5 year old. I am so thankful that the Lord gave her to us to grow in his path.

November 3, 2012: Thankful for the ability to express my faith in God. Thankful that I can teach my children the truth of the Word of God. Thankful that we have the ability to go to church and grow with fellow believers in our Lord.

November 4, 2012: Thankful for my in-laws who are so incredibly supportive and love their Grandchildren to pieces. They are always there when we need a sitter, or pizza, or have a question, whether sewing or building.

November 5, 2012: Today I am extremely thankful for my husband. He is my best friend/soul mate/and love of my life. He is an extremely amazing father for my children. After such a tough day with the appointment for Butterfly Girl he is the voice that tells me it will be okay. He is the voice that tells me not matter what the doctors say we will make it through. The voice that says she is perfect. He is truly my strength and I thank the Lord for him!

Now on to the dreaded doctor appointment. The good news is that Butterfly Girl is growing like a weed. She is the only one of my children to hit 20 pounds by one weighing in at 20 pounds 5 ounces. She is also a long little bug. She measured at 28.5 inches long. She will be like her uncle and grandma! The bad news... Her left side of her body is still about 30 percent weaker than the right side of her body. We need to up the PT in order to try to strengthen this. Then we moved in to the next issue. Butterfly Girl doesn't chew. She sucks and then swallows. This means that we need to start feeding therapy with the OT and then possibly call in someone more extensive depending on how the first few session go. After that we then looked at her vision. The doctor was less then impressed that we have already had to have her prescription changed. She was also less than thrilled that it was so drastic. We went from a +1 and +3 in her eyes to +6 in each eye. This is not how we would like things to progress, but it is what life is. We will have an MRI repeated right after Christmas to see if their is any change in her brain that would explain why her vision would be declining so quickly. After her vision we moved on to her lack of words. We discussed how quite my sweet girl is and that she is still at a 3 month level as far as babbling and not saying any distinct words. We will start Speech Therapy once a month for the next 3 months and then will move to 2 times a week.

I have been in tears on and off all day. The doctors are still not sure why she is the way she is. They currently have no medical explanation. It is hard. It hurts. It bites. I want answers so bad. I want to know what is wrong with my baby girl. I have cried because I feel like I have failed her. I feel as though I do not do enough to help her see. I feel as though I am not equipped enough to be her mom. I hurt that she will go through life struggling. Ugh, it sucks. I wish I could just make my baby better. Please pray as Kelly and I go through the next few days adjusting to the news we received today. It always seems to take us a few days to get back into feeling okay about Butterfly Girl's diagnosis. We will each shed tears. We will hold each other and hold each of our children. We will hold on to our faith. We will hold on to the prayers of those who lift us during these hard times.

Again I am remember my children's bible verse they need to be memorizing. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." If we continue to grow our faith and those of children and love our Lord. If we continue to do his will and life as we have been called to his purpose we know that God will work for our good. We will have our time where we will feel like we will be on top. Right now its day by day following the plan that is set for our life which includes raising a daughter that can not see.