Bah Humbug, turned Joy

Yes, I know it is not Christmas, but that phrase pretty much sums up my week. It was a rough one. Partially my fault and therefore I am going to kick this week out of the water!

I was reminded this morning through Pslams 100:1-2 that I need to praise the Lord with JOY even though personal struggles. Even though a rough day with the kids. Even through a rough nights sleep.

 

{Worship the Lord with GLADNESS. Come before him, singing with JOY.}

Pslams 100:1-2

 

 

My week was rough because I was still catching up from the week of being in the hospital. I was still trying to lesson plan, do laundry, and much more. I also broke my routine of going to bed on time and getting enough sleep. I was grumpy from lack of sleep, the kids were wild without structure, and there was a lot of attitude going on in my house. It was a rough week. Instead of changing my attitude and worshiping the Lord for the good things, I decided I would wallow in my furstrations and be grumpy. Not a smart choice. I had to apologize to my kids more then once, my husband more then once, and ask for a whole lot of forgiveness.

 

I guess those things all make me human. Not any one of us is perfect. I am, however, choosing this week to get back to what I know works well for our family. I am going to stick to our routine, I am going to be on time and getting enough rest, most importantly I am going to choose JOY and GLADNESS over being grumpy. I am going to worship this morning with my children and do it with joy and passion.

 

Happy Monday! Be blessed!

 

Dany

Being Equipped

Isaiah 45:5-6 says this: I am the Lord; there is no other God. I have equipped you for battle, though you don't even know me, so all the world from the east to west will know there is no other God. I am the Lord, and there is no other.

 

There are many moments throughout daily life where I sometimes do not feel equipped for certain situations. Those are little things. Then there are those times in life where I certainly do not think I am equipped to handle certain situations. There are so many questions. So many ways to parent. So many ways to be a wife. There are so many ways to go about life. Homeschooling, running businesses, raising up children, and being a woman of faith. Am I equipped?

My two year old has exhausted all of my "go-to" discipline techniques. She truly is a child of her own accord and I was certainly not ready for everything she has thrown my way. She is very strong willed. I no longer had the tools to deal with her behavior and endless curiosity. This is somethings small. Every day.

Butterfly Girl's CVI was something that I was not equipped to handle. I was not ready to raise a child that had special needs. I was not ready to raise a sweet girl that had limited to no vision. I just wasn't ready. This is a big event.

I can not be equipped by my own power and make it through the day. However, I am equipped by my Lord. He has equipped me with everything that I need for this battle of life and let's face it. Life can be a battle. Sometimes we struggle to get a meal on the table. Sometimes we struggle to discipline our children with love. Life can get ugly. Life can get brutal. There are times where we we feel like the tools for battle are missing.

I tell you this. Turn to the Lord. He has equipped you with everything you need for the moment. He has given you peace, patience and love to discipline your children. He has given you the the gift of grace so you can forgive yourself and others. The Lord is your most powerful tool. He has given you his word in which we can find strength in all things. Read it. Pray it. Hold onto the Lord. You have the tools to face every day battle. You have the tools to face even the toughest adversities in life. I have been through some of the roughest times in my life in the past year. If it were not for my faith I would have never been able to survive. God gave me the tools.

Know that you are equipped. Stand strong in faith.

Be Blessed.

Dany

Words from a 6 year old

Our family has been studying Deuteronomy 30:19-20 which says

"Today you have been given the choice between life and death,

between blessings and curses. No I have called on heaven and earth

to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life,

so that you and your descendants might live!

You can make this choice by loving the Lord you God, obeying him,

and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. "

 

As we were studying this verse yesterday morning, I asked each of the children what this verse meant to them. My oldest at 6 gave this insight to the verse.

 

"God gives us his good Key. He gives us the Key to do nice things, to love others, to help others, to obey mommy and daddy. Every morning before we get out of bed we have to make a choice. Do we want to keep God's key or trade it for the devil's key. If we trade it for the devil's key we will make bad choices."

 

Wow, I just kind of stared in amazement at her answer. Then just as I was about to speak again she continued.

 

"If we choose to trade our God key for the bad devil key then bad things will happen in our day. We will get sent to our room, we won't get candy, and we might not get a special toy we wanted. We will have people who are mad at us and things will be not happy. We can trade keys at any time. If we don't like the devil key because we got in trouble we can ask God to forgive us, change what we were doing, and he will give us his key back."

 

Again I just stared in amazement. Her little heart has always been a place spiritually that I could never seem to understand. We have raised her in the church her whole life, but this type of knowledge to me seems just naturally given. I almost feel like she has a better understanding of a relationship with God then I do.

 

She understands. Every single day we have a choice. We can choose to follow God, Obey his commands for our life, and be firmly standing in his plan. As adults I think we forget that it is a choice. We wake up and just go about life. Do we stop to think about our faith every morning? Do we say to God, today with your grace and love I will walk with you, I will obey you? God gave you the key to life! God gave you the key to do good. Are you going to trade it?

 

The words of a 6 year old. Sometimes children have a better insight because they are not bogged down with legalistic thinking and adult problems. You may even say "Yeah easy for a 6 year old to say", but I think it is easy for any of us to say if we want! We can make the choice. We have to make the choice. The future of our children, our household, communities, and the world are counting on it.

 

Be blessed

 

Dany

Lessons being Learned

My heart is being transformed. My heart is changing. I was not content with my spiritual life nor the spiritual life of my children. I have always been a Christian. I would always read my bible and pray. My heart longed for more. My heart wanted to go deeper than I have ever gone before. I want my children to go deeper then just the bible stories and memorizing verses. I want them to live the words of the Lord.

Saturday I was unhappy, I wasn't content. I found myself wanting, lusting after the things of this world that I couldn't have. I found myself trying to figure out on my own how to get the things I didn't have. I wasn't using my faith. I wasn't leaning on Christ. I started praying. I felt God's peace. He was telling me it was okay. We have everything that we need in this moment. He said that he will provide when we need it. We don't need anything more right now. He has a plan a for us. I need to trust. Sunday the sermon reaffirmed this. It was amazing to keep that lesson going.

Monday was a very rough day. We had some behavior issues that we rearing their ugly head. There was a lot of back talking. There was a lot of anger. From the children and then myself. As I laid in bed Monday night I cried. I had been quick to anger instead of quick to listen. I had let my children see that if they pushed hard enough I would crack. I opened my bible and started to look for a lesson, a verse, something that would make me feel better. This is what I found.

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourselves firmly to him. This is the key to your life. If you love and obey the Lord, you will live long." Deuteronomy 30:19-20 NLT

Each day we have a choice. Each day we can choose life or death. Not just in the physical aspect, but  spiritually. Our spiritual life needs to have life. God wants us to choose him. God wants us to choose Life, the blessings and life he can provide us. As much as this was a verse for me, it was also was for my children. Everyone in my house needed to hear that we have a choice. Every day we can choose to OBEY the Lord are days that will be blessed. My children needed to see that every day they choose to obey the Lord, including obeying Mommy and being kind to each other, means they will receive blessings. For them blessings may come in getting candy, getting a movie, or just something that makes them happy. I needed to hear that if I obey the Lord by being slow to anger then our house will have blessings also.

We will be studying this verse of the next few weeks. Talking about it as a family. Working through what it really means. Figuring out how to apply it to our everyday lives. I am so excited to dig in deeper with the kids, for myself. This verse was the strength I needed. It was the message that needed to be heard. God gave it to me at just the right time. Hopefully, just maybe, you will find comfort, wisdom, or hope in this verse also.

Be blesses

Dany

Catch up and Tears

I want to play catch up on my Days of Thanks in November. I also want to up date on Butterfly Girl since she has a doctor appointment today.

Let's start with Days of Thanks:

November 2, 2012: I am thankful so much for my Monkey Girl. I was able to spend the morning with her after I got done working. She needed to go to the doctor for her 2.5 year check up. The doctor was impressed with her vocabulary and just how smart she truly is. Spending this alone time with her allowed me to get some snuggles in. I was also able to see just how funny she can be. She is my super active, never stopping child. She is makes my heart melt and she truly is a smarty. The doctor said she was functioning at the age of a 5 year old. I am so thankful that the Lord gave her to us to grow in his path.

November 3, 2012: Thankful for the ability to express my faith in God. Thankful that I can teach my children the truth of the Word of God. Thankful that we have the ability to go to church and grow with fellow believers in our Lord.

November 4, 2012: Thankful for my in-laws who are so incredibly supportive and love their Grandchildren to pieces. They are always there when we need a sitter, or pizza, or have a question, whether sewing or building.

November 5, 2012: Today I am extremely thankful for my husband. He is my best friend/soul mate/and love of my life. He is an extremely amazing father for my children. After such a tough day with the appointment for Butterfly Girl he is the voice that tells me it will be okay. He is the voice that tells me not matter what the doctors say we will make it through. The voice that says she is perfect. He is truly my strength and I thank the Lord for him!

Now on to the dreaded doctor appointment. The good news is that Butterfly Girl is growing like a weed. She is the only one of my children to hit 20 pounds by one weighing in at 20 pounds 5 ounces. She is also a long little bug. She measured at 28.5 inches long. She will be like her uncle and grandma! The bad news... Her left side of her body is still about 30 percent weaker than the right side of her body. We need to up the PT in order to try to strengthen this. Then we moved in to the next issue. Butterfly Girl doesn't chew. She sucks and then swallows. This means that we need to start feeding therapy with the OT and then possibly call in someone more extensive depending on how the first few session go. After that we then looked at her vision. The doctor was less then impressed that we have already had to have her prescription changed. She was also less than thrilled that it was so drastic. We went from a +1 and +3 in her eyes to +6 in each eye. This is not how we would like things to progress, but it is what life is. We will have an MRI repeated right after Christmas to see if their is any change in her brain that would explain why her vision would be declining so quickly. After her vision we moved on to her lack of words. We discussed how quite my sweet girl is and that she is still at a 3 month level as far as babbling and not saying any distinct words. We will start Speech Therapy once a month for the next 3 months and then will move to 2 times a week.

I have been in tears on and off all day. The doctors are still not sure why she is the way she is. They currently have no medical explanation. It is hard. It hurts. It bites. I want answers so bad. I want to know what is wrong with my baby girl. I have cried because I feel like I have failed her. I feel as though I do not do enough to help her see. I feel as though I am not equipped enough to be her mom. I hurt that she will go through life struggling. Ugh, it sucks. I wish I could just make my baby better. Please pray as Kelly and I go through the next few days adjusting to the news we received today. It always seems to take us a few days to get back into feeling okay about Butterfly Girl's diagnosis. We will each shed tears. We will hold each other and hold each of our children. We will hold on to our faith. We will hold on to the prayers of those who lift us during these hard times.

Again I am remember my children's bible verse they need to be memorizing. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." If we continue to grow our faith and those of children and love our Lord. If we continue to do his will and life as we have been called to his purpose we know that God will work for our good. We will have our time where we will feel like we will be on top. Right now its day by day following the plan that is set for our life which includes raising a daughter that can not see.

We All Have a Longing

As I sit here listening to the news and the events of Super storm Sandy, I am feeling mighty blessed. Although Michigan has had high winds and huge waves, we have not been impacted in such a way that those on the East Coast have been. Our thoughts and prayers are with those who are without power, flooded, and in so much pain and destruction.

Our thoughts here today? Well I have a picture hanging on my fridge of a yellow bus. That's right. We have decided to be a home school family, but that does not mean our children do not sometimes challenge our choice. They have a voice, an opinion, and desires. They all enjoy school. They have enjoyed the things that they probably wouldn't have been able to experience. We get to have pajama days. We get to do math while baking cookies. We get to go on field trips. We sometimes don't even start school until after lunch and work until later in the evening, allowing us to spend the morning snuggling and watching movies. This doesn't mean that our children don't wonder what being in school would be like. This doesn't mean that they do not wonder what riding a bus would be like. Today that was the case. Our oldest child was begging me to send her to school, not because she wanted to try school, but because she wanted to ride a big yellow school bus. We had a conversation about why that would be so great. We had a talk about why we home school. Although she knows why we home school and that she will not be riding a school bus, she still longs.

I learned a very important lesson during this discussion we had. We all long for something. There are all things we wish could be different. This is not bad. Sometimes longing is good. It gives us something to strive for. My question is; "Do pray about our longing?" "Do we seek wise counsel?" Just as my daughter had come to me asking about why we home school and why she couldn't ride that big yellow school bus she so longed to ride, do I do the same thing? I want to be more like her. I want to seek wise counsel more often. As adults we so often just do the things we want. We do what we think is best without really praying or thinking. We don't ask for others opinions. I want to seek the bible for answers. I want to seek Godly, wise people who may be able to weigh in.

I challenge you. If you have a longing. Please just don't jump on it. Pray, Look at your bible, Seek wise counsel. Then if it is in the plan God has for your life, chase that longing to the ends of the earth.

Life's Journey

Life's Journey is this crazy, unpredictable, sometimes amazing, sometimes crappy road that once you think you have it figured out it takes another unexpected turn. When I started this blog in the wake a very difficult time in life I dreamed of keeping it going. About growing it to something more then keeping those people that we do not get to speak to on a daily basis informed about our sweet Butterfly Girl and how she is doing. I wanted my readers to share a piece of my life with me. I wanted others to feel like they could connect and relate. I wanted other mom's, wife's, daughter's, sister's, and friend's to know that they are not alone in this road so many of us call life. We may not be struggling with exactly the same things or going through the same events, but at the end of the day we can someone relate to each other.

I lost blogging for a while. I took it out of my overly packed schedule and I came to a point the other day that brought me right back to blogging. I realized I blog most importantly for myself. So that years from now I can look back and see my family through a less hectic, busy eye. There are some days that I just strive to make it through an hour of this crazy life we live. So my goal is that if I document what we live I can come back and enjoy those moments a bit more. Or I may be able to come back and heal from the pain I still have from things. I know even today I have read the posts made about my sweet baby girl's vision and it is still very hard, but it is part of the healing process. Blogging is a way for me to feel like I invested in myself and invested in someone else. Maybe one day, someone will stumble across and say, "wow I thought I was alone, but this blogger felt the same way". Maybe that has happened and I don't know. My hope is that someday the blog will be more then just a place I lay my heart, but a source of hope, encouragement, and understanding to someone else.

I blog because I love writing. Ever since I was a young child writing was always my favorite thing to do. In high school I took as many writing classes as I could. Always dreaming of becoming an author was fun, but it always took second place to becoming a wife and a mother. Blogging is kind of like being an author in a way. I get to publish what I want people to read. I get to share my work with others and that is a satisfying thing. I love what I am doing and I am so glad to becoming back!

I blog because I want to keep all of you up to date on the latest findings on Butterfly Girl's diagnosis. Although I have been lacking in that department it will be a commitment of mine to try to keep up. The latest news with our sweet girl is that she sees twenty percent of her day. Her CVI is something that she will live and will learn to adjust to. What got us down most recently was our last trip to the eye doctor. While Butterfly Girl can see twenty percent of the day the vision she does have is very poor. She has a pretty strong prescription in her lens. While this might not concern the average person it concerns us. The reason this is cause for concern is because the vision she does have will slowly get worse, making the prescription in her lens stronger and stronger. This will eventually get to the point were her vision can no longer be corrected. Our baby girl will then officially be blind forever. This breaks our hearts. This makes us so incredibly said. This makes us hurt so deeply. We do have a God who is in the business of working miracles and we know they can happen! We believe that if it is HIS will he will heal our sweet girl. She turned 1 and despite the rocky first year we had an amazing celebration with family and friends.

I love blogging. I am glad to be back. I hope all of you will continue to read. I hope you will all share if you find something that may be an encouragement or source of hope to someone else.

I leave you with the verse my children are memorizing for church. Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

How amazing is that! If we live life in accordance to God's calling he will work everything together for good for us, his people. That doesn't mean that God isn't going to let us go through hard times such as Butterfly Girl's diagnosis. That doesn't mean that bad things are not going to happen to us because they will, but when the time is right, when HIS time is right, ALL things will work together for the good of HIS people. I am so excited to know the truth of the Lord.

Reflection

This morning I was awaken to MUCH cooler temperatures and a gentle breeze. Shortly after that perfect awaking my mind started racing. It hit me like a ton of bricks that we had just spent hundreds of dollars on a new refrigerator (ours was 62 degrees when we woke up yesterday morning) and that the appointment that I have been dreading for Butterfly Girl is coming up at the end of the week.
I was not about to let the anxiety keep me down. So I started with what I do best, a list. I listed everything that I would like to see get done today and started at it. Keeping myself and my brain busy with what needed to be accomplished today. Soon that didn't help. Part of what needed to be done today was balancing the checkbook, paying bills, and then like. Doing those jobs gives me even more anxiety. Then I stopped. I took a minute. Then two things came to mind.

 1. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11.

This is something I so desperately need to keep my focus on when it comes to Butterfly Girl. I should have it be my focus all the time, I know, but I need to even more so when it comes to her. Her appointments are so draining sometimes. I have a hard time remembering that even in my pain he has a plan. Even in the time of uncertainty in life HE has a plan for my baby. This plan involves CVI, this plan involves developmental delays, this plan involves lots of extra care and work. This is HIS plan for my sweet child. HIS plan for my perfect angel. It is hard, but needs to be done. I have to remind myself of HIS plan for our life. I also have to remember that his plans for our life our his plans and that although we may want to change them we are disobeying when we do.  God is perfect!
2. The lyrics from a song of Chris Tomlin's

Give thanks to the Lord
Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good, He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
With a mighty hand
and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the life that's been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise

Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever

From the rising to the setting sun
His love endures forever
By the grace of God
We will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever

His love endures forever
His love endures forever
His love endures forever
Forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
And ever
Yeah

Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
Forever
You are God.....
Forever
And ever and ever ...

By this song I am reminded that His love endures forever. It reminds me that he is faithful and strong. He is the perfect person to entrust this journey to. He has set this journey before us even before Butterfly Girl was born. I am also reminded that despite the money we had to spend on the fridge, or the TV, or anything else for that matter that HE is faithful.

My husband and I were talking about how true God is to us because every time we get extra money something breaks. And as much as we would love to save that money for fun, God has allowed for things in our house to stay working long enough for us to get extra money. He has never allowed anything to break when we felt like we would have had to make the choice to cut other things in order to buy what was broken. That is a huge answer to prayers. He has the perfect plan in spite of us not always thinking its perfect.

As I continued to give God my worries and anxiety I felt the day get better and better. I have peace of mind knowing that God has plans for our life and that he is faithful. I will still have worries about Butterfly Girl's appointment. I will still sometimes wish we had the extra money still, but that will come and go like the ocean waves.

My list keeps me going, but it is no longer what is driving me today to keep my mind off of things. God has taken care of that. Now I can work on my list without my distracting brain trying to make me think about things to come. What a journey we are on. What a path we have been given. It is surly lit by the light of the Lord.

My Four Kids

This journey. This path. This life I (we) have been given. It has had its many ups and downs as I am sure it will continue to do. My husband and I have had our fair share this past week(end). We don't exactly lead the least stressful life. I mean it is probably one of the most complicated lives you could lead. We do it because we were called to lead this life. We do it because we know its right, but this weekend it all came flooding in. We have so much on our plates and its hard to just take one bite at a time. I feel as though I have to shovel. There is no chewing and swallowing. Its just one bit after another, faster and faster.

My husband is a business adventurer. Any new business he can find to take on, he will especially if he has to provide very minimal up front costs. What sometimes he doesn't realize is that when he takes on one of this business adventures, it turns into one more job for me. You see, he works a job in a shop 40+ hours a week. That doesn't include travel time. So I get to take on the other jobs that it takes to run everything else.

As if a mom of 4 children isn't enough. You see our oldest has some special needs. She is a more high demands child. She has come a long way in regards to her behavior and speech, but she still is more high demand than our other children. Then there is our son who is just so easy going and laid back. He is such a boy and his daddy teaches him way more then he should know about recycling and how to run a business. Then there is my feisty, energetic, do it myself, very independent two year old. She keeps me on my feet constantly. She is always into something else. Always on the go and has the vocabulary of a ten year old. Then there is our sweet baby who has limits on her vision. She requires all different sorts of therapy. She requires me to therapy even when the therapist are not here. She requires more care. I have always dreamed since I was little I would be a mom. That was my number one dream. I was going to be a mom and a teacher. Although I do not get to teach in a school I do get to be a teacher. A teacher to my kids. We get to learn about anything they want to learn about because my husbands business adventures allow me to stay home. This is a life I would never change. I would add ten more kids to the mix if I was able to carry more children. I love raising my kids. I love watching them grow. I love teaching them to read, to do math problems. I love being their mother. Butterfly girl has changed the way I parent. She has taught me that not everything is so black and white. My children do no learn just by reading and writing things down. It truly takes all your senses to learn. Without one sense and your whole body is thrown off. It has been an adventure. It has been the path of a lifetime and I am sure as this path continues I will no be disappointed.

My four children keep me busy. They stretch me to my limits on a daily basis. We follow a mostly strict schedule, not only for their benefit, but for my own. This is the only way I ensure that I get other business work done, but also housework and time with each of them. The day to do things that need to be done to raise four children is enough to keep any one marginally busy, but that's not enough in this house. This house we have to go beyond that. We need to go farther into the business. Tomorrow I will tell you all how we got started on one of my husbands business adventures.

In all this business I have had to learn to slow down. To read my bible. To pray. To spend some time with my Heavenly Father. It has been the most amazing times of my life. I can really feel the Lord talking to my heart when I spend that time with him. It is amazing. The kids spend some quite time with their bibles in the morning. Even our two year old opens her picture bible and flips through the pages. Its all a start of having that personal relationship with our Lord. They watch me take that time to spend in prayer and reading so they do the same thing. Its amazing. I love seeing our children on fire for God.