Reflection

This morning I was awaken to MUCH cooler temperatures and a gentle breeze. Shortly after that perfect awaking my mind started racing. It hit me like a ton of bricks that we had just spent hundreds of dollars on a new refrigerator (ours was 62 degrees when we woke up yesterday morning) and that the appointment that I have been dreading for Butterfly Girl is coming up at the end of the week.
I was not about to let the anxiety keep me down. So I started with what I do best, a list. I listed everything that I would like to see get done today and started at it. Keeping myself and my brain busy with what needed to be accomplished today. Soon that didn't help. Part of what needed to be done today was balancing the checkbook, paying bills, and then like. Doing those jobs gives me even more anxiety. Then I stopped. I took a minute. Then two things came to mind.

 1. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11.

This is something I so desperately need to keep my focus on when it comes to Butterfly Girl. I should have it be my focus all the time, I know, but I need to even more so when it comes to her. Her appointments are so draining sometimes. I have a hard time remembering that even in my pain he has a plan. Even in the time of uncertainty in life HE has a plan for my baby. This plan involves CVI, this plan involves developmental delays, this plan involves lots of extra care and work. This is HIS plan for my sweet child. HIS plan for my perfect angel. It is hard, but needs to be done. I have to remind myself of HIS plan for our life. I also have to remember that his plans for our life our his plans and that although we may want to change them we are disobeying when we do.  God is perfect!
2. The lyrics from a song of Chris Tomlin's

Give thanks to the Lord
Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good, He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
With a mighty hand
and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the life that's been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise

Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever

From the rising to the setting sun
His love endures forever
By the grace of God
We will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever

His love endures forever
His love endures forever
His love endures forever
Forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
And ever
Yeah

Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
Forever
You are God.....
Forever
And ever and ever ...

By this song I am reminded that His love endures forever. It reminds me that he is faithful and strong. He is the perfect person to entrust this journey to. He has set this journey before us even before Butterfly Girl was born. I am also reminded that despite the money we had to spend on the fridge, or the TV, or anything else for that matter that HE is faithful.

My husband and I were talking about how true God is to us because every time we get extra money something breaks. And as much as we would love to save that money for fun, God has allowed for things in our house to stay working long enough for us to get extra money. He has never allowed anything to break when we felt like we would have had to make the choice to cut other things in order to buy what was broken. That is a huge answer to prayers. He has the perfect plan in spite of us not always thinking its perfect.

As I continued to give God my worries and anxiety I felt the day get better and better. I have peace of mind knowing that God has plans for our life and that he is faithful. I will still have worries about Butterfly Girl's appointment. I will still sometimes wish we had the extra money still, but that will come and go like the ocean waves.

My list keeps me going, but it is no longer what is driving me today to keep my mind off of things. God has taken care of that. Now I can work on my list without my distracting brain trying to make me think about things to come. What a journey we are on. What a path we have been given. It is surly lit by the light of the Lord.