Crazy things

Well, this life journey we are on is a crazy one. We never like to keep things dull around here. If it isn't enough that we own two buisness' and that my husband works a full time job on top of the one he owns, we decided to add another. This time we have added a not for profit organization. We are so excited to add Sole Aid to our family. Sole Aid was run by another family that we are friends with. They are having their 10th child and are feeling called in a different direction with ministry. We felt a strong calling to keep this ministry going and so we said YES! We are excited to be the hands and feet of Jesus by being a blessing in Michigan and around the world.

Sole Aid collects shoes and clothes that are the sold to an exporter and then shipped around the world to help those who need lost cost shoes and clothing. The money that Sole Aid makes through the selling of those clothes and shoes goes towards scholarships to help families here in Michigan and to help families around the world through different forms of aid. To find out more about this ministry please visit our website at www.soleaid.org There are a number of different ways to get involved. And if you don't live locally there is a way to give online donations.

To keep life even more interesting Sunday night I decided that it might be a great idea if I injured myself. Okay so that wasn't really the plan, but that is what happened. I hurt my knee while cleaning. I didn't think much of it as the pain slowly went away. While I was cleaning my sewing room later that day I heard one of the kids trying to get the door open to come back inside. It sounded like they couldn't get it so I stood up quickly and turned to go out of the room. As I did that my knee gave out. A few hours later after not being able to move it and being stuck to a chair I figured it would be best to go into the emergency room to have it looked at. The doctor there told me that I had a meniscus tear and that I would need to see an orthopedic doctor. Fast forward to today and that's exactly what I did. I saw the doctor and form the looks of it I have what is called a bucket handle meniscus tear. This will require surgery to fix. So by the end of next week I will be in the surgery room to have it repaired and shall be on the mend after that. I am excited to get this fixed so I can get off these crutches and back to things the way they were.

Please pray with us that my knee heals quickly. Also pray that our new ministry would be a blessing to those that need it most here in Michigan and around the world.

Haiti and Babies

Two things have been heavily on my mind today. Haiti and babies. Now I am not sure that the two are connected or not. I mean I am sure there are plenty of babies in Haiti, but that is not how I am seeing the two.

You see Haiti has been on the hearts of my family since the earthquake. Then we had a couple who are missionaries in Haiti come to our church. That is when our daughter fell in love. My husband and I were even more captivated by this country then we were when we walked into church that day. We had talked and prayed for Haiti often. We had discussed taking a trip to Haiti. We told ourselves if the opportunity arose we would jump on it. One of us would go. Well then it happened. There was a church mission trip that was happening from our mother church (we go to a church plant). They wanted to know if anyone from our church wanted to go. We both did, but it just isn't that easy. First of all the money was a factor. Then we had three kids that we would need to find child care for. Could they be away from their mom AND dad that long? We prayed about it. Then we made a deal with God. If He gave Kelly a big enough bonus to cover the trips for both of us to go we would go. Little did we know that he would give us double what we needed to cover our trip. It was amazing. Childcare was easy to line up and soon we were off on an adventure like we have never been on before. While we were their we rejoiced with the people who have found aid and happiness after the quake. We also shed tears for those still in turmoil and for the poverty we saw there. It was such a culture shock. It was hot, but the Lord blessed us every day. The kids at the school we were helping rebuild were beyond cute! They were amazing. I think about Haiti often. How I wish to go back. How I wish maybe some day we can adopt from there. I often think of ways I can bless someone in Haiti. Haiti has been coming up again in a lot of ways. Radio, Facebook, and thoughts. I am not sure what God is trying to tell me with the constant reminders, but I am more then willing to wait for him to reveal the whole plan.

Babies. You see I wanted a LARGE family. I wanted lots of children. My body on the other hand choose to not work. It works for growing these sweet bundles of joy, but the after part is what almost killed me. Butterfly girl is the same age now as Monkey girl was back then when we found out we were expecting her. I long to hold a small squishy baby. We made the right choices by not having any more of our own. One day we will hold another squishy we can call ours even though it may not be blood related. We would love to give a sweet baby some snuggles and even a home if it needs one. Maybe one day a little love bug will come home from Haiti.

Birthdays!

So I thought this posted yesterday, but I guess not.

6 years ago today I thought I was going to be having a birthday dinner with my family. Little did I know that my oldest bundle of joy was going to arrive.

I had been having some complications in my pregnancy. The Monday before I went in for a non stress test to see how my baby girl was doing. Although she was passing the non stress test it took a lot of effort to get her to pass. The doctor was concerned. He asked me what I was doing on Wednesday and I said I was going out for dinner with my family to celebrate my birthday. He preceded to tell me I was wrong and that I was going to have a baby. My baby was going to be exactly four weeks earlier then planned. It was okay though, the doctor said babies who come four weeks early usually come out fine. I was do for a c section as little miss thought she would be breech.

So six years ago today I went into the hospital. I waited with many friends and family to have our baby girl. I was told that once I had her, her dad and the doctor would go up to the nursery with her and get her cleaned off and wrapped in a blanket. Then she would go to my room and that is where she, her dad, and the rest of my family would be waiting for me. I was hoping later that day we could celebrate with cake and ice cream. We were going to have tons to celebrate.

I went in for the csection. It was quick and easy. I got to hear a strong healthy cry form my little girl. She was little too. Five pounds and eleven ounces. Everyone waits to hear that first scream to know there baby is fine. I heard it and my heart felt better. She was happy and healthy. We got some pictures taken and then they headed her up three floors to the nursery. They finished sewing me up. I then headed into my worst nightmare. As we went past the nursery window all I saw was a doctor and a bunch of nurses surrounding a little tiny baby. My family was peering in the window. That was funny I thought, why would they be looking at this sick baby when they could hold and google over mine. Not one of them looked me in the eye as we past. When I got to my room it was empty. NO ONE was to be found. Not my baby, nor my family. I started to get worried. My mom came in and told me they would bring me the baby in a minute. More people just came in and smiled. Every moment that passed I got more and more worried.

Finally the doctor. Wait, the doctor, but no baby. This was not going to be good news. My sweet bundle of joy that had given that loud healthy cry right after birth was in distress. She was under an oxygen hood, but it was not doing much. They needed to start some intravenouses supply lines in her belly button. They then need to put her on a CPAP. I couldn't get out of bed right away because my legs were still numb from the pain meds. Finally they did lift me into a wheel chair, wheeled me down, and allowed me to look and touch her. I was sad though because I was not able to hold her. She needed to stay under the oxygen hood until someone gets to us with more experience. They then transported her tiny little body over to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.

That was that. No birthday cake. No holding my baby. Nothing. I was so sad. I am thankful today however that I can say she is thriving and doing well. I can not believe that she is six today! She is a strong girl. She loves the Lord with all her heart. She believes every dream is achievable as long as you put in the right work.

Bunny Girl.... Mommy loves you to the moon and back. I hope you had the very best birthday!

Big Dreams!

Big things are happening here at the Rus household.

 First of all my oldest baby is turning 6! Only a few more days and we can celebrate that day my sweet girl was born. Her birth was rough, her start to life jeopardized by health complications. I feel as though we are celebrating a whole new stage of life. She is learning to read, she is so artistic, and has a heart for the Lord.

Some big changes work wise are happening around here as well. We will be getting slightly busier, but for good reason. We are so excited to share with you what will be happening around here. We are picking up more work. One of these days my husband will quit his day job. Until then we will be leading a very busy life. This next venture in life will be a family affair. We will be teaching our children a lot through this next venture and also learning a lot from others also.

We are praying that Proper Disposal will pick up even more. Creations by Mommy has been doing wonderful at craft shows. Hopefully those will pick up as well.

I feel like this week is a quite before the storm. Not a bad storm, just a busy as busy can be type storm. We will use this busyness for good. We will be hitting the ground running.

I should be doing dishes, laundry, and other things. I sit here instead dreaming of big things to come.

Please continue to pray for our family. Please pray that we will be a blessing to others. Please pray that we continue to make the right choices for our family.



Pondering

Happily married, 4 perfectly healthy, well-behaved children, stay at home mother. Big beautiful house. Husband with decent money. Going on vacations. Sending my kids to a private school to get their educations. Having a nice car, pool in the backyard, and buying my children all their wants. This is how I envisioned my life when I was 15.

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As I was siting with my husband tonight I pondered the past and the future. So many events in my life I have tried so hard to be in control of and have ended up far from that. I am very OCD. I like to have every minute of every day planned out. I like to have everything in its place. I like to have a list for everything. In the end I like to be in control, but it isn't as simple as just wanting to be in control. We can all want to be in control, but at some point we have to face the music that someone else will have control.

If we are an employee, the boss has a control. If we are a young child, the parent has control. The government has control of speed limits and much more. A principle has control of it's students. A dog owner has control over his or her dog. Eventually we fall into a category that we need to summit to someone higher up.

Much of my latter years of high school were spent trying to take back the control I felt I lost as a child when my parents divorced. I did many things that were against who everyone knew me as. They went against my character. I ended up married at 18, to someone I should have thought twice about before marrying. I could marry him despite my families disapproval because I could. I "loved" him despite the abuse I under went. I ended up pregnant shortly there after with my first born. I was going to control my relationship. I was going to "fix" my ex husband. I could do all those things. After the abuse got out of control, I left. I then continued to try to control my own life dating whomever I felt was okay. Trying to control who I saw and what I did. I ended up pregnant again. This was not how I was picturing my life. I did not picture being a single mother of two children 18 months apart at the age of 20. I needed to try to stop controlling my life. Instead I just tried to do it more.

Do not get me wrong. I still try to control the things I can such as my list making and scheduling out days, but I have learned through this journey with Kinsley I am not in control.

This life I am in is not how I had envisioned from the start. I have an amazing husband, we are happily married, but marriage is hard work. It takes a give and take relationship. It takes compromise. (something I am not good at) He is my best friend. He is my greatest cheerleader. He is the love of my life and I am truly blessed we have been brought together to spend our lives together.

I have 4 children. While they are all healthy in a sense I never in a million years would have dreamed I would have to deal with a child with disabilities. Although I have a strong heart for those with disabilities I never though I would have to parent a child that had limits in their ability to do life like a normal child. I was then blessed with my oldest who had some Austims tendencies, SPD, along with large motor and speech delays. I did my time. I could now have the rest of my children be healthy and without disability. I had my son and the our second daughter. Awesome healthy children. Growing up to be wonderful people. Then our world was rocked. We were given a child with more complicated disabilities. We were given Butterfly Girl. No vision. Healthy? Yes she is healthy, but it was not what we were expecting.

Right then we learned we were not in control of this life. Our Father up above was in control. He gave us a sweet baby girl with no vision. He knew we could handle it. I will admit there was a stage I went through that I tried to control everything. I tried to get her into the best doctors, the best places. I tried to get her therapy as fast as I could. Truth is, none of my urging made anyhing move any faster. God was in control and he had a list of the way things were going to happen. He had his schedule written out. It is amazing how fast you can realize you are not in control of your own life.

By giving over control to the One who has it in the first place has been very rewarding. Although some days I still wonder why we are on the road of life we are on I just trust. With following His lead in this life has been leading to so many rewarding opportunities for us. I wish I could spill all the beans! I wish I could tell you so much more.

As I sit here a few days before I turn 25, although my life is not how I had envisioned it 10 years ago it is amazing. God is blessing us ten fold. When you listen to your Master you are rewarded greatly. I am so glad he gave us our 4 children. I am so glad that he gave us a supportive group of family and friends. I am so glad that I am finally giving him all control. He does a much better job figuring out my life they I do.

Kicking Depressions Butt

As some of you may know I suffer from depression, both seasonal and post partum. I have been suffering from one form or another since I have been in high school. I never in a million years thought there was an escape to this horribly hindering disease. I assumed it was going to be something that would haunt me forever. I mean I take medicine, I talk to a counselor, and the whole nine yards, but I never thought there was a way to do it without those things.

I have just completed a book called Overcoming Depression by Neil T. and Joanne Anderson. It is a Christ centered way to kick depression in the butt. I can truly say I am happy. I no longer need my medicine. (and yes I had my doctors permission to wean off them) I am going to have days that are harder then others, but who doesn't. I have an amazing heavenly father that is doing wonders in my life. Together we have kicked depression in the butt. Depression will no longer rule me!!

How did I do it? I get into the word of my Lord every day. Sometimes in the morning and sometimes at night. I PRAY constantly. I feel like I am always saying a prayer, either little or big. I pray for the kids, my husband, God's guidance, and so many more things. I started to give God my worries, fears, and failures. Knowing I can not do this journey of life without Him lifts a huge burden.

I have also learned over the past month or so that praying for my husband and my children has changed them without them seeing it. Or it has just changed me so much that I tolerate them better. Either way I will continue to pray for them every day.

Despite so many things in this life that are up and down, I am happy. Kelly's job is stable and great, but a little different then the job he had prior. This job has him home at different times then his other job which is a blessing. It is giving him time to work on his own business, but it also causes for some stress with when he will be working late or not. Trying to figure out if he will be home for dinner one night and not the next as often he doesn't know until about 3pm if he will be working extra late. He has ha job and this is a blessing.

We have been working on something else here in the Rus house. I so wish I could tell you what it was, but until it's final our lips our sealed. We are so EXCITED to be following God's lead and taking a step into the direction he is leading. This step in life is providing my husband and I with deep conversation on how we can be a blessing. We are out to make these next steps a family project.

Butterfly Girl's lack of vision no longer has me down. We are kicking blindness out of the way. It will be a part of our life, but NOT our life. The lack of vision is only a part of who she is, but does not define her. She has bright blue eyes and a smile so big you can not help but smile yourself. She is full of life and joy. She is not letting blindness get to her so we should not either.

I have been doing many craft shows lately. It has been lots of fun. It gives me a sense of joy to sell items that I have hand created. It is fun to see people delight in items that they have picked out. Being able to sell these items at shows is a joy I have not experienced. I love it.

Our home school year is coming to an end and so is Bunny Girl's year at school. We are going to be enjoying our summer. We have lots of structured activities we will be doing. I am excited for this. I am really going to try my hardest to maximize our time this summer doing as many fun things we can fit in. I am going all out this summer partly because I am sad they will both be going to public school next year and partly just because. We have had an awesome school year with tons of learning and fun.

I am so glad that I am on the mend. I am so glad that I am so happy. I am so excited that I can kick depression in the butt. 

Mother's Day

I had a rough week. I ended up getting sick even after I willed myself not to. I got behind schedule on lots of things. The house got really messy. Plus we went to the two local parades in town. After that I had to set up for a craft show this weekend and do that. I was so sad my weekend was going to be so full. I didn't know what I was going to do. I did however have the most FANTASTIC Mother's Day.

As I sit here contemplating what a wonderful day I had today I realize so many things.

I am at peace with life. Everything is so enjoyable today. My kids were extra fussy, but that didn't seem to damper the mood. I get to be called Mommy by four wonderful children. Each of them are so different and unique. Each one has their own personality and gifts. God choose ME to carry them in my belly for nine months. God choose ME to give birth to them and then to be their provider for during this life. God gave me each of my children to teach me different things and while they are teaching me how to be a better person I also get to teach them. I am so blessed to be called their mother.

Bunny Girl was given to me as a first born. She taught me that no matter how rough life gets family always sticks together. She has taught me no matter how down life gets someone always has it worse. She has made me grow more in love with Jesus. She has taught me how to love, sing, and dance. She warms my heart with her compassion for other people, yet she keeps me on my toes with her immediate dislike for a situation. I am so glad that she calls me mommy.

Alligator boy, oh my sweet alligator boy. He is my soft hearted and gentle boy all while being a very boyish boy. He loves his dirt, trucks, and tractors, but he truly has a heart of gold. He has taught me how to be gentle. How to treat his tender heart as though at any point it could break. I needed to learn this lesson because it is how I need to deal with any one I come in contact with. You never know when something you say to someone might be hurtful even if it is not the attempt. He has taught me all I know about tools, about trucks, and about playing in the dirt. Having a boy is different and amazing. He has a heart that loves everyone, cares for everyone, and never wants to see any one sad. He loves his sisters better then any other big brother could. He is curious. He has questions for everything. He has taught me that it is okay to ask questions about life, about anything. To think that I he could no be here with me today is sad. My life wouldn't be where it is today if I would not have had Parker. He has truly made me a great mommy. I am so glad he calls me his mommy

Monkey Girl has taught me how to be crazy! How to enjoy every moment of every little thing we do. How to do everything with a smile. She has taught me patience. She has taught me overwhelming joy. She is so busy all the time. I get tired some days with her, but no matter what she always shows me her love. My favorite is when she comes up to me, squeezes my cheeks, and kisses me. She loves giving hugs and kisses. She LOVES books. Monkey girl has taught me how to sit and play or read. She has taught me that house work can stop and I can sit and play. She brings me great joy and I am glad she calls me her mommy.

Butterfly Girl has changed my life forever. Being the last in our family had a special place. She will forever be our "baby". Then she changed our world even more. She is special in her own way because she has no vision. Her eyes have failed her. Other parts of her body are failing her and not allowing her to be the seven month old she should be today. She has taught me to lean on the Lord. She has taught me that without the strength of the LORD I can do nothing. Life will be hard no matter what, but I do not have to carry this burden alone! Butterfly Girl has a sweet demeanor about her. So gentle and loving. Her smile when she hears your voice is contagious. When she knows your their the glimmer in her eye is priceless. She has taught me how to channel my stubborned, strong willed personality towards helping her get the help she needs. She can not talk yet, but I am so blessed I get to be her mommy.

I also comtenplate the mother I am today in credit to my mother. She is truly an amazing women. She has a heart of pure gold. She loves each one of us to no end. She would climb mountians and swim a thousand seas for her children. She raised us for so many years as a single mom. Although we knew our parents were divorced my mom also made sure that we felt loved. She always made sure that we felt cared about. My mother has the strongest faith. Stronger then any one I might know. All of these qualities she has passed down. I try my hardest to make sure my children each feel loved and cared for. I try to make sure that no matter what we are going through emotional and fiananciallly. She never once made it seem like she didnt have enough money. She is an amazing women. Her faith has been passed down as well. I admit that I am not half the women of faith as she is, but she is my fole model. She is amazing. She has helped shape who I am today.

Its been a blessed Mother's day! I am so thankful to have a mom and to be called mom.