Deep, dark pit

Sorry for not blogging I'm the past few days. I have been busy with life, but also in the darkest pit of my life. I never imagined this journey to have so many tears. I never imagined this journey to be so dark. I never imagined the new senesativity I would have to comments from others. I never knew what it would be like to walk this journey. Life is full of unknowns. Life will never be ther way we picture it. All we can do is stive to make things better. W can strive to act like life is fine. This is the road I've been on. I've been acting like nothing has gotten me down. Like CIA conquer the world. Over the past few days it has bee hard to keep up this facade. This perfect life of no sadness. My day never ends. Al, my days blur together. All my days take every ounce of effort I have. We had Knsley back in the ER tuesday night. All she did was scram for 3+ hours. She wouldn't stop. My husband and I tried everything. Turns our her ear was the culprit of the unconsolable crying. The ear drops help some. I'm never early sure when she is hurting or just crabby because she cries almost every hour. She cries a ton. The past few days I have been working. For those of you that don't know what I do I work for home. I sew many cite things for babies and young children. I've been working to get things done for a mom2mo sale a local church is putting on. I am excited. Working from home is a blessing and a curse. While I have an amazing friend here to watch the kids while I get my work done I can also hear them asking for me. Can hear when they are being naughty and feel bad that my kids are not bring perfect for the one watching them. All of these things I need to do, the fact that I'm still coming to terms with I Kinsleys lose of vision have me at the bottom of life. I am sad. We are without insurance for the next month and I wasnt able to refill my depression meds before it the other insurance ended. I am fighting tooth and nail with the Early Intervention program in our area to test our sweet baby girl the services that she needs. I am also fighting the insurance company to make sure they cover our sweet baby girl once the new insurance kicks in. Add on a house to clean, dishes to do, kids to play with and love, a husband, and much more you can see why I am a mess. I need help, but despite a select few people I barely get the help I need. My husband does what he can when he is home. My best friend comes to watch the kids while I work. And my mom helps, that is the extent. Oh how I wish we could afford a house cleaning service. Oh how I wish I didn't feel guilty about going out on a girls night. I am going to hang onto my faith. I am going to love my God with all my heart. I am going to trust in him. He will be with me even in this dark pit that I am. He is going to carry me to the light. Please keep our family in your prayers. Please keep me in your prayers. Oh and watch for pictures to come tonight of all the cool stuff I will be bringing to the mom2mom sale this weekend. Danyelle