One month ago...

One month ago today we found received the devastating news that our baby girl has no vision. She is blind. I remember the moments like they were yesterday. I remember driving up to the eye doctor. Ever second seemed like it was dragging. I checked in to the front desk with a quiver in my voice. I knew what the day would bring. It was in my gut. I just needed to know. I very anxiously awaited the arrival of my husband. He went into work that morning and met us over at the doctor. I remember the moment we got called back. I could feel the shakes and the tears. I carried my sweet girl to the exam room where the nurse ran another serious of tests. Both with her glasses in and off these tests were run. No change. The nurse wanted to be so hopeful. The nurse said everything with a cheer in her voice, but her cheer was not fooling me. I knew the truth. I knew that our fear her glasses weren't working was becoming a reality before our eyes. Grasping at straws in hopes that there was still something that could be done the nurse asked of she cold have her glasses. She wanted to check to make sure that her prescription was not wrong. When she came back to the room she confirmed that the glasses were the right strength. No change was happening. So we waited. We waited for the doctor to arrive with official word on what would be a lie turning day. We waited and waited. Kelly and I talked about how a doctor might prepare to tell parents that something so life changing is wrong with their child. We talked about how hard it must be for them, how they go about mentally handling something so awful. 45 minutes we waited for the doctor, but the it was time for the truth. The doctor ran the same tests the the nurse ran. Still failing all of them. Then she let us have it. "I'm really sorry to tell you this, but your daughter can't see. Her vision is not there." at this moment I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to make it all go away. I wanted to run away kicking and screaming! Not my baby! Not my baby! She explained that we would be well cared for. There is a community of blind persons that are always supporting each other. It will be an easy path to navigate with this support. We got ready to setup our next appointment. Once in the parking lot I fell into my husbands arms and cried. My baby was blind. My baby was going to live her life with no vision. My friends this is not an easy path! This is not the one I would have chooses. I am still naviagting. I am still trying to find this community of support. I'm still trying to cope. I'm depressed, but working on it. A very, very dear and caring person close to our family brought a boom over today. Overcoming Depression. I'm excited to start reading it. I know with God I can start overcoming this depression I fght. I know with God I can deal with those things life throws at me regarding Kinsley. I know with God Kinsley will be able to live a life full of joy and promise. It will just take different paths then those of my children with sight. Please continue to pray for us. We have made it through a month, but have been told the first 2 years are the toughest. This is when most of the milestones happen and also when the most learning/changing happens. In this time they learn to roll, sit, crawl and walk. All of these milestones will come with challenges. These first two years will be hard. Please keep praying for our family! I can feel the prayers. I can feel the support all of you who read this blog give. Please continue to pray. Danyelle