Break Down

I have been doing so well mentally and emotionally. I have been staying on top of what I know is important. My relationship with Jesus, with my husband, and then my children. I know that this makes me happy and less stressed. Well today I broke down. I just couldn't keep up the positive, non complaining, up beat attitude that I have been feeling lately.

You see. I like my house spotless. I like everything done in a certain order at a certain time in a certain way. I am very OCD. I am very type A personality and as funny as it sounds I was looking forward to my doctors appointment this morning. We were supposed to be scheduling surgery which in turn would allow me to use my knee that very same day as long as I could tolerate it. As I sat there waiting for the doctor he came in and said "I have good news and bad news" I immediately thought that it meant my tear was worse then he had first imagined and that it was going to take a longer recovery, but maybe he could do it yet today. I was very wrong. He proceeded to tell me that the bump her felt in my knee was not a meniscus tear. In face it was the muscle that holds the knee in place. He told me that I had dislocated my knee, that muscle was way to loose and was getting "bunched up". So now what I thought? How do we fix this? Well he told me and I didn't like what I was hearing. He had to re-dislocate my knee so that it could be in the correct healing position. Then I would be in this knee immobilizer and on crutches for the

At first I was handling this okay, but the day slowly drug on. Sitting in the car is hard. Going to the bath room is hard, and I cant just stand on it. I have to wear this thing twenty four hours a day seven days a week only to take it off to shower. This does not make me so happy. I hate asking for help. I hate not being able to do all my type A personality things. I just hate being laid up in general. I am always doing something. I always have a running list of things that need to be done.

This realization that I am going to need to count on others. That I am not going to get much on my to do list done. That I will be stuck in this thing for four weeks. Add that with the pain I am experiencing. Add that in with not a ton of sleep the past few nights and I lost it. Oh and my pop spilled every where. It was not a good thing.

I am telling myself that even though I want to complain every second of every day. Even though I want to just cry and throw myself a pity party doesn't make things better. God is in control! He has me taken care of. This was in his plan. This is his way of showing me something and I need to listen. I need to stay focused on his plan for me and for our family. I need to focus on how much he has given me. I have four amazing children. The best husband any one could ask for. The ability to write and share our families story.

Please continue to pray with us. Pray that my family can hold out on my sometimes short, sometimes snippy, crabby self while I deal with this inconvenience. Pray that this knee heals quickly. Pray that the next four weeks goes amazingly fast.