To Do Lists

My to do lists are super long the past few days. For me this is a coping technigue. If I have a list as long as the Mississippi River I will never have time to think about Butterfly Girl's up coming appointment. I have always been a bit OCD and have never gone a day without a list, but some days are better for me the others. For the most part I stick to my Daily 15 list. Yes, I have things that I do every day and then fill in whatever else is left with other things until I hit 15 things to do for the day. It keeps my house running smooth, laundry alwasy done, dishes out of the sink, and the house always partial clean. I only say partially clean because I am the mother of four small children in which the house will never be perfectly spotless. Today is different, the list is never ending. I wish I could just enjoy the days leading up to this appointment, but it brings so much anxiety. Instead I fill the day with lots of things to do. Don't for a minute think that I am wasting my time doing all these things and not spending time with my kids. Not true. I just have planned fun things to do with them instead of just enjoying where the moments take us. My kids like the planned activities and it helps me keep the time busy. Oh and not to mention the house is super clean. To do lists are amazing. Lists in general are lives tool for keeping things together. For me at least. If you think I am one crazy momma you may just be right! haha... That is quite alright with me. I take pride in my crazy!

Missing

I have been missing. Yes I will admit I haven't blogged in a while. I decided to go to Wyoming *the state* to see my sister. I came home with my nephew. It was a good trip. I was there for a little less then a week.

I have had a saying this week that goes "Balance is Key" I have also said that my key is missing. I am not sure that I will ever find it back. Being a Christian, a wife, a mom, a homemaker, and a business women there is no balance. If I am working on being  a wife I feel like every thing else is getting forgotten about. If I am working on being a better Christian, my family, business, and house get forgot about. I am having a great deal of trouble trying to find balance.

Is there ever a balance to life? Will I ever feel like if I am working on one thing nothing else is being "forgotten"? I am not so sure. I can always try to achieve balance, but I may not ever be happy. So I need to find a new balance. A balance that requires me to be okay with the fact that I may never find the balance I wish to achieve. This for my OCD self is HARD.

I am also having a bit of sadness over missing one year of my children's schooling. We home school. That is what we do at this house, but once we had Butterfly Girl and we were told about her diagnosis we decided this year needed to be different. You see Butterfly Girl needs to have 4 hours of therapy a week. We need to be intense about helping her meet her one year milestones in an appropriate amount of time which will require me doing home therapy on top of the times the therapists are here. Therefore after much discussion with my Husband we decided that it would be best for the oldest two to go to public school this fall. It makes me sad. I am having extreme anxiety over the fact that I will be missing a very important year in their education.

One thing I am NOT missing is my faith in the Lord. I know that with all I feel like I am missing right now he has got me. He will carry me on forever and ever. He will fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish all these things. He will provide a peace to my very unbalanced life!