SMILE!

Today is the best I have felt about life in a while!

There was such joy in our lives when K entered this world. Who could help, but be over joyed by a new baby. Yes they do not let you sleep or eat or do about anything, but they are the Lord's greatest gift. That is how we felt when K entered our lives. She was ours. She was perfect in every way imaginable. Our family was complete. Although I suffered from PPD (post partum depression) we were all still so happy. We had our four amazing children and we were on our way to raising a complete and healthy family.

I paid my dues. At least that's how I felt. I raised one baby that had developmental delays, autism, and has speech and motor delays. I got my one hard baby. I was good. We were on to nothing, but ease.

Oh how wrong I was. As K started to grow and develop my worst fear was coming true. She was going to have disabilities. She was going to have them worse then her oldest sister. I could tell in my gut that something was wrong. That's when we started this journey. That's when I started my downward spiral into the deepest depression I have ever been in my whole life. I have never been to the darkest pit as I have been walking through journey. Although this journey is far from over I am overjoyed by today's events.

I did something for myself!!! That's right. I gave myself the best present I could ever get and that was two hours to myself to make myself feel good. H and I went on a vacation right after we found out about K and that was great. It was a great time to get away so we could start this journey on the same page, but it wasn't ME time. I never get me time. I always have one of my children if not all four of then hanging off my hip at all times. There is always a kiddo in the bed or sitting on my lap. There is always a kiddo wanting a book read or blocks played with. Or there is a baby that just wants to snuggle all night long.

Today I went to get my hair cut and colored. I have been looking forward to this day ever since I picked the cut and color I wanted. I was going for a bleach blond color with PINK (yeah you read that right) highlights. I wanted this shorter, super choppy cut that would look good with my fine hair. I got exactly what I was looking for. I was so impressed with the stylist that did it. She knew exactly what was going to make me happy and she was so excited to see how happy I was getting every step of the way.

I am still wearing a smile on my face. I feel like I am floating on cloud nine. My hair is seriously the best it's been in years! It took some talking me into it. I am not one to spend money on myself. I would rather spend it on the kids, or to pay off a debt faster. I just don't like doing nice things for myself. I am certainly glad that I did it this time. I am looking forward to waking up early tomorrow just so that I can style my hair super cute. I can not wait to go get groceries tomorrow so that every one can see it! I am beyond excited about my new do.

There will always be ups and downs. This journey will never be easy. I will find myself down in the trenches. I will find myself in that darkest dark. I will however over come that with victory. I have a heavenly father who loves me and has claimed victory over my life even when I don't feel like there is a victory to be won. I will be all smiles for a while. I am feeling so good about myself. This was exactly the self booster I needed.