Crazy things

Well, this life journey we are on is a crazy one. We never like to keep things dull around here. If it isn't enough that we own two buisness' and that my husband works a full time job on top of the one he owns, we decided to add another. This time we have added a not for profit organization. We are so excited to add Sole Aid to our family. Sole Aid was run by another family that we are friends with. They are having their 10th child and are feeling called in a different direction with ministry. We felt a strong calling to keep this ministry going and so we said YES! We are excited to be the hands and feet of Jesus by being a blessing in Michigan and around the world.

Sole Aid collects shoes and clothes that are the sold to an exporter and then shipped around the world to help those who need lost cost shoes and clothing. The money that Sole Aid makes through the selling of those clothes and shoes goes towards scholarships to help families here in Michigan and to help families around the world through different forms of aid. To find out more about this ministry please visit our website at www.soleaid.org There are a number of different ways to get involved. And if you don't live locally there is a way to give online donations.

To keep life even more interesting Sunday night I decided that it might be a great idea if I injured myself. Okay so that wasn't really the plan, but that is what happened. I hurt my knee while cleaning. I didn't think much of it as the pain slowly went away. While I was cleaning my sewing room later that day I heard one of the kids trying to get the door open to come back inside. It sounded like they couldn't get it so I stood up quickly and turned to go out of the room. As I did that my knee gave out. A few hours later after not being able to move it and being stuck to a chair I figured it would be best to go into the emergency room to have it looked at. The doctor there told me that I had a meniscus tear and that I would need to see an orthopedic doctor. Fast forward to today and that's exactly what I did. I saw the doctor and form the looks of it I have what is called a bucket handle meniscus tear. This will require surgery to fix. So by the end of next week I will be in the surgery room to have it repaired and shall be on the mend after that. I am excited to get this fixed so I can get off these crutches and back to things the way they were.

Please pray with us that my knee heals quickly. Also pray that our new ministry would be a blessing to those that need it most here in Michigan and around the world.

Haiti and Babies

Two things have been heavily on my mind today. Haiti and babies. Now I am not sure that the two are connected or not. I mean I am sure there are plenty of babies in Haiti, but that is not how I am seeing the two.

You see Haiti has been on the hearts of my family since the earthquake. Then we had a couple who are missionaries in Haiti come to our church. That is when our daughter fell in love. My husband and I were even more captivated by this country then we were when we walked into church that day. We had talked and prayed for Haiti often. We had discussed taking a trip to Haiti. We told ourselves if the opportunity arose we would jump on it. One of us would go. Well then it happened. There was a church mission trip that was happening from our mother church (we go to a church plant). They wanted to know if anyone from our church wanted to go. We both did, but it just isn't that easy. First of all the money was a factor. Then we had three kids that we would need to find child care for. Could they be away from their mom AND dad that long? We prayed about it. Then we made a deal with God. If He gave Kelly a big enough bonus to cover the trips for both of us to go we would go. Little did we know that he would give us double what we needed to cover our trip. It was amazing. Childcare was easy to line up and soon we were off on an adventure like we have never been on before. While we were their we rejoiced with the people who have found aid and happiness after the quake. We also shed tears for those still in turmoil and for the poverty we saw there. It was such a culture shock. It was hot, but the Lord blessed us every day. The kids at the school we were helping rebuild were beyond cute! They were amazing. I think about Haiti often. How I wish to go back. How I wish maybe some day we can adopt from there. I often think of ways I can bless someone in Haiti. Haiti has been coming up again in a lot of ways. Radio, Facebook, and thoughts. I am not sure what God is trying to tell me with the constant reminders, but I am more then willing to wait for him to reveal the whole plan.

Babies. You see I wanted a LARGE family. I wanted lots of children. My body on the other hand choose to not work. It works for growing these sweet bundles of joy, but the after part is what almost killed me. Butterfly girl is the same age now as Monkey girl was back then when we found out we were expecting her. I long to hold a small squishy baby. We made the right choices by not having any more of our own. One day we will hold another squishy we can call ours even though it may not be blood related. We would love to give a sweet baby some snuggles and even a home if it needs one. Maybe one day a little love bug will come home from Haiti.

Birthdays!

So I thought this posted yesterday, but I guess not.

6 years ago today I thought I was going to be having a birthday dinner with my family. Little did I know that my oldest bundle of joy was going to arrive.

I had been having some complications in my pregnancy. The Monday before I went in for a non stress test to see how my baby girl was doing. Although she was passing the non stress test it took a lot of effort to get her to pass. The doctor was concerned. He asked me what I was doing on Wednesday and I said I was going out for dinner with my family to celebrate my birthday. He preceded to tell me I was wrong and that I was going to have a baby. My baby was going to be exactly four weeks earlier then planned. It was okay though, the doctor said babies who come four weeks early usually come out fine. I was do for a c section as little miss thought she would be breech.

So six years ago today I went into the hospital. I waited with many friends and family to have our baby girl. I was told that once I had her, her dad and the doctor would go up to the nursery with her and get her cleaned off and wrapped in a blanket. Then she would go to my room and that is where she, her dad, and the rest of my family would be waiting for me. I was hoping later that day we could celebrate with cake and ice cream. We were going to have tons to celebrate.

I went in for the csection. It was quick and easy. I got to hear a strong healthy cry form my little girl. She was little too. Five pounds and eleven ounces. Everyone waits to hear that first scream to know there baby is fine. I heard it and my heart felt better. She was happy and healthy. We got some pictures taken and then they headed her up three floors to the nursery. They finished sewing me up. I then headed into my worst nightmare. As we went past the nursery window all I saw was a doctor and a bunch of nurses surrounding a little tiny baby. My family was peering in the window. That was funny I thought, why would they be looking at this sick baby when they could hold and google over mine. Not one of them looked me in the eye as we past. When I got to my room it was empty. NO ONE was to be found. Not my baby, nor my family. I started to get worried. My mom came in and told me they would bring me the baby in a minute. More people just came in and smiled. Every moment that passed I got more and more worried.

Finally the doctor. Wait, the doctor, but no baby. This was not going to be good news. My sweet bundle of joy that had given that loud healthy cry right after birth was in distress. She was under an oxygen hood, but it was not doing much. They needed to start some intravenouses supply lines in her belly button. They then need to put her on a CPAP. I couldn't get out of bed right away because my legs were still numb from the pain meds. Finally they did lift me into a wheel chair, wheeled me down, and allowed me to look and touch her. I was sad though because I was not able to hold her. She needed to stay under the oxygen hood until someone gets to us with more experience. They then transported her tiny little body over to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.

That was that. No birthday cake. No holding my baby. Nothing. I was so sad. I am thankful today however that I can say she is thriving and doing well. I can not believe that she is six today! She is a strong girl. She loves the Lord with all her heart. She believes every dream is achievable as long as you put in the right work.

Bunny Girl.... Mommy loves you to the moon and back. I hope you had the very best birthday!

Big Dreams!

Big things are happening here at the Rus household.

 First of all my oldest baby is turning 6! Only a few more days and we can celebrate that day my sweet girl was born. Her birth was rough, her start to life jeopardized by health complications. I feel as though we are celebrating a whole new stage of life. She is learning to read, she is so artistic, and has a heart for the Lord.

Some big changes work wise are happening around here as well. We will be getting slightly busier, but for good reason. We are so excited to share with you what will be happening around here. We are picking up more work. One of these days my husband will quit his day job. Until then we will be leading a very busy life. This next venture in life will be a family affair. We will be teaching our children a lot through this next venture and also learning a lot from others also.

We are praying that Proper Disposal will pick up even more. Creations by Mommy has been doing wonderful at craft shows. Hopefully those will pick up as well.

I feel like this week is a quite before the storm. Not a bad storm, just a busy as busy can be type storm. We will use this busyness for good. We will be hitting the ground running.

I should be doing dishes, laundry, and other things. I sit here instead dreaming of big things to come.

Please continue to pray for our family. Please pray that we will be a blessing to others. Please pray that we continue to make the right choices for our family.



Pondering

Happily married, 4 perfectly healthy, well-behaved children, stay at home mother. Big beautiful house. Husband with decent money. Going on vacations. Sending my kids to a private school to get their educations. Having a nice car, pool in the backyard, and buying my children all their wants. This is how I envisioned my life when I was 15.

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As I was siting with my husband tonight I pondered the past and the future. So many events in my life I have tried so hard to be in control of and have ended up far from that. I am very OCD. I like to have every minute of every day planned out. I like to have everything in its place. I like to have a list for everything. In the end I like to be in control, but it isn't as simple as just wanting to be in control. We can all want to be in control, but at some point we have to face the music that someone else will have control.

If we are an employee, the boss has a control. If we are a young child, the parent has control. The government has control of speed limits and much more. A principle has control of it's students. A dog owner has control over his or her dog. Eventually we fall into a category that we need to summit to someone higher up.

Much of my latter years of high school were spent trying to take back the control I felt I lost as a child when my parents divorced. I did many things that were against who everyone knew me as. They went against my character. I ended up married at 18, to someone I should have thought twice about before marrying. I could marry him despite my families disapproval because I could. I "loved" him despite the abuse I under went. I ended up pregnant shortly there after with my first born. I was going to control my relationship. I was going to "fix" my ex husband. I could do all those things. After the abuse got out of control, I left. I then continued to try to control my own life dating whomever I felt was okay. Trying to control who I saw and what I did. I ended up pregnant again. This was not how I was picturing my life. I did not picture being a single mother of two children 18 months apart at the age of 20. I needed to try to stop controlling my life. Instead I just tried to do it more.

Do not get me wrong. I still try to control the things I can such as my list making and scheduling out days, but I have learned through this journey with Kinsley I am not in control.

This life I am in is not how I had envisioned from the start. I have an amazing husband, we are happily married, but marriage is hard work. It takes a give and take relationship. It takes compromise. (something I am not good at) He is my best friend. He is my greatest cheerleader. He is the love of my life and I am truly blessed we have been brought together to spend our lives together.

I have 4 children. While they are all healthy in a sense I never in a million years would have dreamed I would have to deal with a child with disabilities. Although I have a strong heart for those with disabilities I never though I would have to parent a child that had limits in their ability to do life like a normal child. I was then blessed with my oldest who had some Austims tendencies, SPD, along with large motor and speech delays. I did my time. I could now have the rest of my children be healthy and without disability. I had my son and the our second daughter. Awesome healthy children. Growing up to be wonderful people. Then our world was rocked. We were given a child with more complicated disabilities. We were given Butterfly Girl. No vision. Healthy? Yes she is healthy, but it was not what we were expecting.

Right then we learned we were not in control of this life. Our Father up above was in control. He gave us a sweet baby girl with no vision. He knew we could handle it. I will admit there was a stage I went through that I tried to control everything. I tried to get her into the best doctors, the best places. I tried to get her therapy as fast as I could. Truth is, none of my urging made anyhing move any faster. God was in control and he had a list of the way things were going to happen. He had his schedule written out. It is amazing how fast you can realize you are not in control of your own life.

By giving over control to the One who has it in the first place has been very rewarding. Although some days I still wonder why we are on the road of life we are on I just trust. With following His lead in this life has been leading to so many rewarding opportunities for us. I wish I could spill all the beans! I wish I could tell you so much more.

As I sit here a few days before I turn 25, although my life is not how I had envisioned it 10 years ago it is amazing. God is blessing us ten fold. When you listen to your Master you are rewarded greatly. I am so glad he gave us our 4 children. I am so glad that he gave us a supportive group of family and friends. I am so glad that I am finally giving him all control. He does a much better job figuring out my life they I do.

Kicking Depressions Butt

As some of you may know I suffer from depression, both seasonal and post partum. I have been suffering from one form or another since I have been in high school. I never in a million years thought there was an escape to this horribly hindering disease. I assumed it was going to be something that would haunt me forever. I mean I take medicine, I talk to a counselor, and the whole nine yards, but I never thought there was a way to do it without those things.

I have just completed a book called Overcoming Depression by Neil T. and Joanne Anderson. It is a Christ centered way to kick depression in the butt. I can truly say I am happy. I no longer need my medicine. (and yes I had my doctors permission to wean off them) I am going to have days that are harder then others, but who doesn't. I have an amazing heavenly father that is doing wonders in my life. Together we have kicked depression in the butt. Depression will no longer rule me!!

How did I do it? I get into the word of my Lord every day. Sometimes in the morning and sometimes at night. I PRAY constantly. I feel like I am always saying a prayer, either little or big. I pray for the kids, my husband, God's guidance, and so many more things. I started to give God my worries, fears, and failures. Knowing I can not do this journey of life without Him lifts a huge burden.

I have also learned over the past month or so that praying for my husband and my children has changed them without them seeing it. Or it has just changed me so much that I tolerate them better. Either way I will continue to pray for them every day.

Despite so many things in this life that are up and down, I am happy. Kelly's job is stable and great, but a little different then the job he had prior. This job has him home at different times then his other job which is a blessing. It is giving him time to work on his own business, but it also causes for some stress with when he will be working late or not. Trying to figure out if he will be home for dinner one night and not the next as often he doesn't know until about 3pm if he will be working extra late. He has ha job and this is a blessing.

We have been working on something else here in the Rus house. I so wish I could tell you what it was, but until it's final our lips our sealed. We are so EXCITED to be following God's lead and taking a step into the direction he is leading. This step in life is providing my husband and I with deep conversation on how we can be a blessing. We are out to make these next steps a family project.

Butterfly Girl's lack of vision no longer has me down. We are kicking blindness out of the way. It will be a part of our life, but NOT our life. The lack of vision is only a part of who she is, but does not define her. She has bright blue eyes and a smile so big you can not help but smile yourself. She is full of life and joy. She is not letting blindness get to her so we should not either.

I have been doing many craft shows lately. It has been lots of fun. It gives me a sense of joy to sell items that I have hand created. It is fun to see people delight in items that they have picked out. Being able to sell these items at shows is a joy I have not experienced. I love it.

Our home school year is coming to an end and so is Bunny Girl's year at school. We are going to be enjoying our summer. We have lots of structured activities we will be doing. I am excited for this. I am really going to try my hardest to maximize our time this summer doing as many fun things we can fit in. I am going all out this summer partly because I am sad they will both be going to public school next year and partly just because. We have had an awesome school year with tons of learning and fun.

I am so glad that I am on the mend. I am so glad that I am so happy. I am so excited that I can kick depression in the butt. 

Mother's Day

I had a rough week. I ended up getting sick even after I willed myself not to. I got behind schedule on lots of things. The house got really messy. Plus we went to the two local parades in town. After that I had to set up for a craft show this weekend and do that. I was so sad my weekend was going to be so full. I didn't know what I was going to do. I did however have the most FANTASTIC Mother's Day.

As I sit here contemplating what a wonderful day I had today I realize so many things.

I am at peace with life. Everything is so enjoyable today. My kids were extra fussy, but that didn't seem to damper the mood. I get to be called Mommy by four wonderful children. Each of them are so different and unique. Each one has their own personality and gifts. God choose ME to carry them in my belly for nine months. God choose ME to give birth to them and then to be their provider for during this life. God gave me each of my children to teach me different things and while they are teaching me how to be a better person I also get to teach them. I am so blessed to be called their mother.

Bunny Girl was given to me as a first born. She taught me that no matter how rough life gets family always sticks together. She has taught me no matter how down life gets someone always has it worse. She has made me grow more in love with Jesus. She has taught me how to love, sing, and dance. She warms my heart with her compassion for other people, yet she keeps me on my toes with her immediate dislike for a situation. I am so glad that she calls me mommy.

Alligator boy, oh my sweet alligator boy. He is my soft hearted and gentle boy all while being a very boyish boy. He loves his dirt, trucks, and tractors, but he truly has a heart of gold. He has taught me how to be gentle. How to treat his tender heart as though at any point it could break. I needed to learn this lesson because it is how I need to deal with any one I come in contact with. You never know when something you say to someone might be hurtful even if it is not the attempt. He has taught me all I know about tools, about trucks, and about playing in the dirt. Having a boy is different and amazing. He has a heart that loves everyone, cares for everyone, and never wants to see any one sad. He loves his sisters better then any other big brother could. He is curious. He has questions for everything. He has taught me that it is okay to ask questions about life, about anything. To think that I he could no be here with me today is sad. My life wouldn't be where it is today if I would not have had Parker. He has truly made me a great mommy. I am so glad he calls me his mommy

Monkey Girl has taught me how to be crazy! How to enjoy every moment of every little thing we do. How to do everything with a smile. She has taught me patience. She has taught me overwhelming joy. She is so busy all the time. I get tired some days with her, but no matter what she always shows me her love. My favorite is when she comes up to me, squeezes my cheeks, and kisses me. She loves giving hugs and kisses. She LOVES books. Monkey girl has taught me how to sit and play or read. She has taught me that house work can stop and I can sit and play. She brings me great joy and I am glad she calls me her mommy.

Butterfly Girl has changed my life forever. Being the last in our family had a special place. She will forever be our "baby". Then she changed our world even more. She is special in her own way because she has no vision. Her eyes have failed her. Other parts of her body are failing her and not allowing her to be the seven month old she should be today. She has taught me to lean on the Lord. She has taught me that without the strength of the LORD I can do nothing. Life will be hard no matter what, but I do not have to carry this burden alone! Butterfly Girl has a sweet demeanor about her. So gentle and loving. Her smile when she hears your voice is contagious. When she knows your their the glimmer in her eye is priceless. She has taught me how to channel my stubborned, strong willed personality towards helping her get the help she needs. She can not talk yet, but I am so blessed I get to be her mommy.

I also comtenplate the mother I am today in credit to my mother. She is truly an amazing women. She has a heart of pure gold. She loves each one of us to no end. She would climb mountians and swim a thousand seas for her children. She raised us for so many years as a single mom. Although we knew our parents were divorced my mom also made sure that we felt loved. She always made sure that we felt cared about. My mother has the strongest faith. Stronger then any one I might know. All of these qualities she has passed down. I try my hardest to make sure my children each feel loved and cared for. I try to make sure that no matter what we are going through emotional and fiananciallly. She never once made it seem like she didnt have enough money. She is an amazing women. Her faith has been passed down as well. I admit that I am not half the women of faith as she is, but she is my fole model. She is amazing. She has helped shape who I am today.

Its been a blessed Mother's day! I am so thankful to have a mom and to be called mom. 

A Breath of Fresh Air

I have been breathing a breath of fresh air around here. I have been very interestingly peaceful. I know my Lord and Savior has it all under control. I finally stoped focusing on all that is wrong with Butterfly Girl and just started deeply loving her. Loving her for her abilities and her disabilites. I have fallen deeper in love with her. I feel like the worst parent in the world to say that I haven't had this connection with her from day one. Don't get me wrong I have ALWAYS loved my baby girl, but the moment I let go of what was wrong and just started loving. Ahh, its perfect. She's perfect! I wont lie though thearpy is overwhelming, appointments are overwhelming, and thoughts of the future as well. Although I get overwhelmed at times I am breathing a breath of fresh air knowing that I need not carry this burden alone.

I have been breathing a breath air over some restored relationships. Relationships that were once there and then gone. Relationships that have come back and I realize what I have missed in life while they were gone. Its funny when your not really sure what caused the wedge to begin with. I have had the most amazing weekend. The most amazing day. Today made me smile to no end. I had great conversation. I enjoyed watching Bunny Girl connect in the most precious ways with my friends husband. He is publishing her a book that he allowed her to write on his computer. Yeah she thinks she is pretty great stuff! And if you know my oldest for her to connect with any male figure is hard. She has had the roughest life and has always feared men. She has always been more stand offish when it comes to males. She snuggled up on his lap tonight and "helped" do his homework. It was priceless.

We are swimming with ideas over here for a project we are working on. Not anything we can share yet as no details are finalized, but we are excited. We feel like we are being called by the Lord in the direction that we are heading.

My buisness, Creations by Mommy, has been doing lots of craft shows throughout our local bracket. We have been having loads of fun. We have been selling quite a few items. It is nice to know that people appreciate hand made goods. It is great to see people supporting their local economy and helping a work at home mom.

Life is swell. Life is amazing. Life is happening because we serve a mighty God! He has carried us through one of the darkest moments in our lives and we are finally coming out of that darkness. We are seeing the light and the blessings Butterfly Girl's diagnosis is having on our family.

Please continue to pray for us. Although we are doing swimmingly well the devil is always ready to attack. He is always ready to bring us down. Please pray that I find the time to do both physical thearpy and vision therapy with Butterfly Girl. Please pray that our appointments with the neruolgist and the Gerber clinic will come quickly and that they will go well. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for sharing in this journey with us! 

Case of the Weekends

Wait a minute? Where did my weekend go? I thought it was still Saturday. It is right? Please don't pinch me. I don't really want to start a new week. I feel as though the weekend skipped over me.

Today I spent the morning snuggling the kids. We read books and watched a movie. It has been rainy and cold all day. It is not fun. So we did what we could do best snuggle! I stayed in my jammies almost all day. It was great. Although it didn't help me to get a lot done. I also started to come down with something. My Throat hurts, my body aches, and I have a headache. This is not a good thing. I need to get a lot of things done. I have lots to do this week. I have a craft show coming up, I have to help with Girl Scouts tomorrow, and I need to be a mommy.

Please pray that I feel better soon. Hopefully this is just a 12 hour thing. 

May Brings

May has been a month of changes and it just started. May is a time for transition for me as we will start our summer at the end of the month. May also means that OG will be getting another year older. May is when things start to get hotter. May, May, May...

I sit and listen to the rain storm. Fresh flowers bloom, grass grows, new life develops from these tiny drops of rain. Life is the same. As I continue to pour the word of the Lord over my life and the life of my children I see them grow, I see them bloom, I see new ways develop in myself and in them.

May has brought peace. It is odd to me how in such time I can find peace. I have come to terms with Kinsley's condition. We have handled three months of this life we what is another 100 years? We will dominate blindness. We will kick it in the rear and tell it that although it is present it will not bring us down. May brings lots of therapy for K. We are praying May brings sitting, more use of her limbs, and eating solids. We are praying big changes for K in May.

May brings chaos. How can you have peace and chaos? I have peace with K's condition, but chaos will start as OG brings down the school year. We have last field trips, end of the year parties, and graduation. We have parades and picnics. OG thrives on routine so our adjustments from school to home are always rough. I spend a good week mapping out a plan for how the summer will run so that we can be on a routine that fits for everyone. Not wavering from the routine is important.

May brings joy and celebration. OG turns six this year. She is just a joy. We are having a birthday party fit for an aspiring artist. We will have lots of fun. OG was born on my birthday so we can grow older together. Recently OG has matured, she has become this older child instead of still having a younger mind set. There was just a light that clicked that made her see the world from a higher thinking. I am excited as she continues to bring us joy and as we get to celebrate all that her life means to us.

May brings a lot of things. It is certainly one of our busiest months. We may be changing things around here even more. A couple meetings away from being able to announce anything officially, but it is a great opportunity for our family to be blessed and be a blessing. I am so thankful to the Lord for all his blessings. My business (Creations By Mommy), my husbands business (Proper Disposal), and his full time job have all been a blessing. Each one is growing and bringing forth more opportunities.

Pray with us that May continues to go as peacefully as it has been. Please pray that as we continue to seek official report of anything more that might be wrong with K in regards to her vision and in regards to her lack of motor skills that we will stay at peace. Knowing in our hearts that God gave us a wonderfully created child, made in his image, who will do his work, sight or not. Please pray that our transition from school to summer will be smooth. Pray that we all adjust quickly. 

Laughing

Today was fun! Today was perfect. Today was full of laughter. A laughter that I haven't had in a really long time. I still laugh thinking about how hard I laughed.

We headed for Chicago this morning, my inlaws, husband, and I. We wanted to head to the American Girl doll store, Lego Store, and then just shop around. I never knew this trip would be as much fun as it was. Talking and laughing. Hanging out. Holding my husband's hand. Mmm, perfect day.

Every converstation that started as just a simple conversation turned into a mighty laugh fest. The lines from movies my husband and his parents know are more then I can count. All Adam Sandler movies to boot. They know every line of every Adam Sandler movie there is I think. It is funny how they can quote them in 15 seconds without thinking. They had me cracking up at every movie line. The driving of my father in law and his comments while he drove were priceless. He is a funny guy. Toll booths = great laughter, end of story.

My husband INSISTED we eat at Burger King over the road. Completely lost my father in law jumped in with "Oh Yeah lets go eat there even though its out of our way." So off we go. Turns out that its changed a lot since they have both been there. Its now a McDonald's, Subway, and a few other things. It was still fun. This restaurant goes over the interstate. It was fun to watch all the cars drive under us.

I got to see a coal mine on both sides of the road. I got to see the US Celluar Field where the White Sox play. I got to experience lots of traffic. I got to experience love, joy, patience, and kindness.

Everything that has happened with Kinsley is tough! I often finding myself crying more then laughing. Today it was like all the sadness, doubt, and anger has left. I laughed until I couldn't laughed any more. I enjoyed myself so much! I didn't realize how much this trip would bring up my spirits. I feel like I can conquer the world.

I got some sewing done for a very special someone. I didn't get my shoes made last night. Something came up. I feel like tomorrow I am ready to start taking over this house, my sewing, and much more. I will make sure I get pictures soon. 

Ahh, The weekend.

Here we are. Friday Night. Ahh, I am sitting with windows wide open. Listening to the wind breeze blow by and the crickets chirping. All the lovely children are asleep and so is my husband. It is so peaceful sounding. I am relaxed and my soul is at peace.

It is hard for me to feel at peace some days. Today is one of them. I got to hang out with one of my most fantastic friends. We got to talk and enjoy each others company. Hubby got out of work early and the kids spent a lot of time with him outdoors "helping" him work. It was so cute to see.

I am now just anticipating my trip to Chicago tomorrow. I'm going with my husbands parents, the husband, and we are taking K with us. The older kids are staying with a sitter. The one thing on my mind is what cool fabric stores I can find while I am down there.

I'm sure that the men we are bringing along with us would love stopping at a Fabric store right? Okay so maybe not, but I think at least one should be in the books.

Enjoy your Friday Night!

I am off to sew a pair of shoes for miss K. I am thinking of taking pictures along the way and maybe doing a tutorial here to show you all. (If they turn out of course)



Another Day

Today was awesome, but yet discouraging.

I got to spend the day with my sister. I got my whole house cleaned up just like I like it. I was able to just hang out with my kids. I also go some work done for a friend. My husband got out of work early and took Alligator boy to Harbour Freight. They had a ton of fun.

So what was wrong with today you ask? Why am I discouraged. Well, because business isn't going like I had hoped. Like I wish it to be. Its frustrating. I see my husband doing big things. Getting busy. Making good money on his own business and while I am doing those things I wish it was just even bigger. I just feel like I am doing something wrong. He has been in business longer. I also don't have as much time to put into my business as he does being a work at home mom. It just put me in a down kind of mood.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be great. I can change my perspective on the world one day at a time. 

Down Time

I spent some time with my sister tonight. Watching movies and just hanging out. What an awesome thing to do. I love how sweet she is. Talking with her has been amazing. We went old school tonight and watched Little House on the Praire. It was sure nice to have some down time. I really need to get to work, but having sat here so long its hard to find the motiviation. 

SMILE!

Today is the best I have felt about life in a while!

There was such joy in our lives when K entered this world. Who could help, but be over joyed by a new baby. Yes they do not let you sleep or eat or do about anything, but they are the Lord's greatest gift. That is how we felt when K entered our lives. She was ours. She was perfect in every way imaginable. Our family was complete. Although I suffered from PPD (post partum depression) we were all still so happy. We had our four amazing children and we were on our way to raising a complete and healthy family.

I paid my dues. At least that's how I felt. I raised one baby that had developmental delays, autism, and has speech and motor delays. I got my one hard baby. I was good. We were on to nothing, but ease.

Oh how wrong I was. As K started to grow and develop my worst fear was coming true. She was going to have disabilities. She was going to have them worse then her oldest sister. I could tell in my gut that something was wrong. That's when we started this journey. That's when I started my downward spiral into the deepest depression I have ever been in my whole life. I have never been to the darkest pit as I have been walking through journey. Although this journey is far from over I am overjoyed by today's events.

I did something for myself!!! That's right. I gave myself the best present I could ever get and that was two hours to myself to make myself feel good. H and I went on a vacation right after we found out about K and that was great. It was a great time to get away so we could start this journey on the same page, but it wasn't ME time. I never get me time. I always have one of my children if not all four of then hanging off my hip at all times. There is always a kiddo in the bed or sitting on my lap. There is always a kiddo wanting a book read or blocks played with. Or there is a baby that just wants to snuggle all night long.

Today I went to get my hair cut and colored. I have been looking forward to this day ever since I picked the cut and color I wanted. I was going for a bleach blond color with PINK (yeah you read that right) highlights. I wanted this shorter, super choppy cut that would look good with my fine hair. I got exactly what I was looking for. I was so impressed with the stylist that did it. She knew exactly what was going to make me happy and she was so excited to see how happy I was getting every step of the way.

I am still wearing a smile on my face. I feel like I am floating on cloud nine. My hair is seriously the best it's been in years! It took some talking me into it. I am not one to spend money on myself. I would rather spend it on the kids, or to pay off a debt faster. I just don't like doing nice things for myself. I am certainly glad that I did it this time. I am looking forward to waking up early tomorrow just so that I can style my hair super cute. I can not wait to go get groceries tomorrow so that every one can see it! I am beyond excited about my new do.

There will always be ups and downs. This journey will never be easy. I will find myself down in the trenches. I will find myself in that darkest dark. I will however over come that with victory. I have a heavenly father who loves me and has claimed victory over my life even when I don't feel like there is a victory to be won. I will be all smiles for a while. I am feeling so good about myself. This was exactly the self booster I needed. 

Uphill from Here

The week can only go uphill from here! My Monday morning started out rocky and it only got worse from there. By noon I was in tears I just couldnt handle the stresses of life.

Mistake 1: I woke up late. None of the kids wanted to get ready to go. Its was rough. OG was about 15 minutes late for school. After dropping her off at school I needed to drop Alligator boy off at my brothers so that I could take the two little girls to the doctor.

 Mistake 2: Taking a two year old and a 6 month old to the doctor on the same day! Where was my head? Monkey girl is so crazy and hard to keep contained. Plus I knew the doctor would be less the impressed with her large motor skills. Her MRI came back fine. Praise the LORD! The only down side to that is it still leaves us grasping for straws as to why she can not see and why she is so weak. Her muscle tone is almost completly lacking. She is a mystery child. So many complex things to deal with. We will be seeing a neurologist along with heading to the Gerber Clinic in Grand Rapids to see if they can help with therapy. The Gerber Clinic should be able to give us a better understand of what may be going on also. Monkey Girl on the other hand is advanced for her age. She is doing things most three year olds are just starting to accomplish. She impressed the doctor with everything she did. Oh and they are complete opposites. Monkey Girl is light and short. K is heavy and long. It's odd because Monkey girl looks chunky, but only because she's short. K looks skinny, but only because shes long. All in all a good appointment. Just frusterating knowing K is behind and the doctors still are not sure what is up with her.

Mistake 3: Thinking I was going to get my hair done without already having an appointment set up. I have a hair cut and color I want to go with. I was all ready to get it done today. I know the longer I wait the more I will chicken out. Well I didn't have an appointment any where so as I was calling around I kept getting told they didn't have spots open any more today. How frusterating. I just wanted my hair done. I never do anything for myself. Today was my chance and only today. Or that's how I felt any way. My mom and a friend got me out of my funk and I set up an appointment for tomorrow.

Mistake 4: I slept. Once home from the appointments this morning I fed the crazies lunch and got Monkey Girl laid down. I then put in a movie for Alligator boy and put K to sleep. Once she was a sleep I took my crabby, depressed self, and slept also. This was a mistake because I didn't get any cleaning done. My house needs a good cleaning and instead I feel asleep.

After my nap I did get some cleaning done. I got to spend time with my family. I got to giggle, play, and have fun. I got to sit and talk to my husband for a while after all the children were in bed. Oh and I got to get out of the house kid free. It was only to my inlaws down the road, but none the less it was minus my four other limbs. I have gotten some work done tonight also which is great after taking all last week off. Now if I can just continue to work until 3am when I normally end my "shift" we will be all set.

Tomorrow is another day. I can get cleaning done tomorrow. I can get my hair done tomorrow. For today I need to be thankful for my family. My house. The work that is required of me from my children, my house, and my husband. I need to be thankful that K's MRI came back okay. I need to be thankful that she is alive and well despite some delays.

Thank you for your continued prayers.